


there's a piece of a puzzle known as life

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-15
Updated: 2007-07-14
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:07:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Sometimes you just can’t help yourself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**Title:** there's a piece of a puzzle known as life  
**Pairing:** Jared/Jensen, minor Jared/Chad  
**Rating/Warnings:** NC-17 | alternate universe, graphic m/m slash, real person fiction, underage sex, drama, angst, romance, schmoop, abuse of swimming pools, Chad as a Good Guy (but not the Right Guy).  
**Word Count:** 26,000  
**Summary:** Sometimes you just can’t help yourself.  
**Notes:** Written for [ ](http://avid-slacker.livejournal.com/profile)[**avid_slacker**](http://avid-slacker.livejournal.com/), c/o [ Sweet Charity](http://sweet-charity.net/). Thank you for being so patient with me, honey. I really hope this lives up to your expectations. <3  
More notes at the end of the fic.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 

**there's a piece of a puzzle known as life.  
by keepaofthecheez.**

  
  
  
  
“San Antonio?” Jensen failed to bite back a grimace, met his roommate’s eager eyes.  
  
“What, you Dallas urbanites too good for us River City folk?” Jeff joked, and Jensen snorted, shrugged. Jeff just cocked his head, deceptively innocent, and then he rolled over and punched Jensen in the shoulder. Good and hard enough to send Jensen scrambling for purchase before he found himself laid ass-out on the shaggy rug.   
  
He sat back up and shot the remote control hurtling toward Jeff’s forehead. “Fucking ha. It’s just. I thought we were gonna hit the beach. Palm Springs, Miami, Cancun…” He pulled his features into cajoling persuasion. “ _Spring Break_ , man.”  
  
Jeff flashed him that straight, white, dimpled grin that always seemed to get him out of--or into--any situation he wanted. In the beginning, Jensen had been more than a little pissed off to learn he was no more immune to his roommate’s abundant charm than any of the female co-eds at UT. Jeff was something of an enigma around campus, rounding up admirers like the fucking Ebola virus gathered victims.   
  
No one was safe. And certainly not Jensen, although his admiration had quickly settled into comfortable friendship. He might be gay, but goddamn he wasn’t cliché. He wasn’t about to fall for the straight guy with a heart of gold. This was Texas, and Austin was damn well no Brokeback Mountain.  
  
Not to mention Jeff wasn’t his type anyway.  
  
“It’s my baby sister’s tenth birthday this weekend. Can’t miss it, under penalty of death,” Jeff was explaining, air-quoting Megan’s words with two fingers, and Jensen slanted him a knowing look. _Sentimental fucker._ “And you can always head out again after the weekend, right?”  
  
“Uh-huh. You know, it’s cute how she’s got you wrapped around her finger.” Smiling easily, he leaned back on his elbows and wiggled his brows. “Pathetic, but yeah, cute, man.”   
  
Jeff slugged him again, and then Jensen rolled up and off the floor, grabbing a ratty tee he wasn’t sure belonged to either of them. “Hey. We gotta do some fucking laundry before my whites become darks.”  
  
Jeff made a face. “Okay, gayest thing you’ve said yet. The hetero is now officially uncomfortable.”  
  
“Fuck off.” But Jensen was grinning when he added, “Or I’ll tell your sister you were being mean to me.” His voice hit a sing-song pitch. “She _likes_ me.”  
  
“Megan also likes My Little Pony and the Power Rangers,” Jeff cracked, giving Jensen the finger. “Oh, wait. Maybe you two will get along after all.”  
  
Jensen let that one slide. “I guess we’ll find out this weekend.” He picked up a dark blue polo and sniffed it curiously, nose wrinkling. “Ugh, Jesus. Did you wipe your ass with this?”  
  
“So, you’re gonna come with, party boy?” Jeff’s voice was easy enough, but Jensen caught the hint of satisfaction layered underneath. “Sure you’re gonna be okay missing out on the opportunity to fuck everything that can bend over?”  
  
Jensen’s grin took a turn for wicked as he shoved more dirty clothes into a duffle bag. “I have standards.”  
  
“Nah, you don’t.”  
  
Jensen paused, thinking. Then slung the duffle over his shoulder. “Eh.”  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
San Antonio was prettier than he’d imagined. Less metropolitan and formal than Richardson, more down-home and comfortable. Sure, there was the same Texas skyline and it was just as hot as all hell. But instead of sturdy, warm-baked brick houses dotting the streets, there was stucco and stone. Honeysuckle and sweet olive, old-fashioned street lamps.  
  
Jensen had the sudden and immediate urge to kick off his sneakers and run barefoot through the wild grass growing along the sidewalk, and then wanted to laugh at the unexpectedly romantic notion.   
  
As much as Jeff teased about Jensen’s “superior upbringing”, Jeff’s home was nothing to joke about. To be honest, Jensen was a little bit in awe of the Spanish-style split-level he was currently standing in the kitchen of. And yet…he felt as comfortable there as he did back home. Maybe even more so.  
  
He dropped the bags in his hands, blowing out a breath and taking in the sprawling backyard visible through wide balcony doors. There was a pool, and while it wasn’t Miami Beach, it’d do well-enough.  
  
“Jeff?”   
  
Footsteps bounded down the stairs; Jensen turned and came face-to-face with sweat-soaked skin and tight brown nipples. He backed up on instinct, eyes taking in the lean body looming over him, tongue swiping his lips.  
  
“Oh. Hi.” It came out on a heavy breath, dimples digging down deep in flushed cheeks. “Uh, didn’t see you there, sorry.”  
  
Jensen blinked, certain he was imagining this enormous incarnation of shaggy dark hair and slanted, tip-tilted eyes. But when he looked again, the guy was still standing there…smiling, watching him. Jensen reached back, rubbed at his neck. “Holy shit, you’re huge.”  
  
As soon as the words spilled out of his mouth, he jerked his head back, horrified, but the guy only grinned wider. Jensen’s chest did an erratic leap of faith, and his heart lodged somewhere in the back of his throat.  
  
_Oh, great._  
  
“Thanks? Hey, I’m Jared, by the way.”   
  
The voice was a warm rumble across Jensen’s skin, and Jensen couldn’t help but wonder what the chances were of meeting his soul mate on the first day of Spring Break. Especially since he didn’t believe in that bullshit to begin with.  
  
Jared cocked his head, eyes gleaming with curious interest, and Jensen shook himself. Realized with a low laugh that he was all but gawking at the guy. “Uh, Jensen, Jeff’s roommate,” he said by way of introduction, reaching out a friendly palm. He swallowed the hiss that sprang to his lips when Jared shook his hand, long fingers pressed tight against his own. Searching for some kind of equilibrium, he blurted out, “So, you’re one of Jeff’s friends from home, huh?”  
  
Jared laughed a little and sounded way too delighted for Jensen’s frame of mind. He absolutely did _not_ fall for people--ridiculously gorgeous or not--upon first sighting. He was much too fucking picky for _that_ , as his last three significant-others could no doubt attest to.  
  
Just as Jared opened his mouth, Jeff came barreling through the back door with his arms full of luggage. Jensen welcomed the distraction, even as something inside of him regretted having to give up the moment of awkward connection.  
  
“Just put ‘em on the bottom step, JT,” Jeff was saying, and Jensen saw Jared moving out of the corner of his eye.   
  
“My kid brother.” Jeff grinned, reaching out to ruffle Jared’s hair as he passed by with Jensen’s suitcase. While Jensen was still digesting _that_ , Jeff added, “How’s driver’s ed, hoss? They let you take out the Crown Vic yet?” He turned toward Jensen, lowering his voice in a conspiratorial murmur. “Thing’s fucking ancient. Like a rite of passage at James Madison.”  
  
Jensen choked a little, eyes darting toward Jared--who was now glaring at Jeff. “You’re…fifteen?”  
  
Jared flushed, opened his mouth to speak, but Jeff cut him off. “Almost sixteen. Hard to believe, right?” Jeff laughed while Jared met Jensen’s gaze again. “Shot up around seventh grade and just never stopped.”  
  
“Could you quit talkin’ about me like I’m a sideshow or somethin’?”   
  
Oh yeah, Jared definitely sounded like a pissed-off high school kid. How had Jensen missed that? His eyes caught on a golden bicep, flexed tight as Jared irritably hefted another bag onto his shoulder, and then he remembered why.   
  
“Yeah, hard to believe,” he mumbled, clearing his throat and not returning Jeff’s gaze. Instead, Jared snagged his attention again, something of a pout playing along the edges of that baby faced wonder, and Jensen flushed and bent down to grab one of the remaining bags. He gestured vaguely in the direction of the Padalecki brothers. “Lead the way.”  
  
“Where’s Meg?” Jeff asked as they tromped up the stairs, Jensen trying not to notice Jared’s tight little jailbait ass flexing in baggy basketball shorts. Christ, he wasn’t a fucking pervert, damn it.  
  
“Dance class.” Jared tossed a look over his shoulder, busting Jensen red-handed. So to speak. At first, those pretty eyes went big, and then crinkled at the corners with something curious, and Jensen stumbled on the next step.   
  
Recovering quick enough, he cracked a sheepish grin directed at nobody in particular. “Maybe I oughta join her, learn some moves myself.”  
  
“Oh, I’m sure you have plenty.” Jeff’s voice was exasperated and amused, and Jensen blew out a sigh of relief. He hadn’t noticed Jensen cruising his little brother, and all was still right in the world.  
  
He knew Jeff Padalecki was the exception and not the rule, and he might not mind being roommates with and friends with a queer. But when it came to said queer crushing on his-- _goddamn_ \--baby brother? Jensen figured there was probably a definite limit to Jeff’s tolerance and understanding.  
  
_Kid probably has no idea what he’s fooling with anyway,_ he reminded himself, biting down hard on his bottom lip as he let his eyes roam up and over Jared’s back again. _He’s just another Friendly Fucking Padalecki, is all._  
  
It really was a lethal combination, he thought another hour later. Sprawled out on the sofa while Jeff stuffed his face with a turkey sandwich and Jared played Nintendo, Jensen watched Jared’s long, browned fingers manipulating the controller, the curl of Jared’s tongue between his teeth. That dark mop of hair kept falling into his eyes, making Jensen’s fingers _itch_ , and none of this was very fair at all.  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
Apparently, Jeff’s parents were big on the San Antonio society scene, so Jensen didn’t get a chance to meet Mr and Mrs Padalecki that night. He and Jared and Jeff piled up in Jensen’s Tacoma and went to pick Megan up from dance practice, and Jensen got his first real look at Jeff’s adorable little sister who’d chatted him up on the phone several times during Jeff’s calls back home.  
  
She bounced, she hollered, she was every bit the Padalecki princess he’d imagined her to be from Jeff’s stories and descriptions. Jensen, quite simply, was in love. He couldn’t help but remember when Mac had been this young, and felt bittersweet fondness sweep through him before he glanced up and met Jared’s eyes through the rearview mirror.  
  
The smile slipped from his features, something altogether different than fondness washing through his veins. He held that easy gaze for all of a second before clearing his throat, turning his eyes back to the road. Still, he could feel Jared watching him, studying him, and wasn’t quite sure what to make of any of it.  
  
They stopped at a KFC for dinner, and Jensen wound up sharing a booth with Jared, who’d finally turned his attention onto a better candidate than Jensen. He was currently grilling Jeff about the engineering program at UT in between shoveling spoonfuls of mashed potatoes into his mouth.  
  
Jeff just laughed, flicked a macaroni noodle at his brother and told Jared to chill. “You’ve got plenty of time left to worry ‘bout higher learning, JT. Better get that driver’s license first.”  
  
It was a familiar scene for Jensen--two brothers ribbing on each other while baby sister garnered the attention of everyone in the nearby vicinity. It made him miss home, miss the fact that his family was pretty much past all this and moved on to bigger, more adult scenarios. He couldn’t imagine MacKenzie strutting around in a pink tutu with a chicken leg in her hand, not anymore. Couldn’t see Josh, Dallas law student select, pulling him into a headlock and squishing green beans in his hair. Not these days.  
  
He wasn’t aware he was frowning until Jared nudged his shoulder, spoke up. “You okay there, Jensen?”  
  
Jensen blinked. Tried to cover it all up with a clearing of throat and a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, sure.” He leaned back against the booth and let the Texas slip back into his voice, full throttle. “Just wonderin’ if I’mma have to call the authorities ‘fore there’s a hangin’, s’all.”  
  
Jeff and Jared stared at him, and then Jensen was ducking flying biscuits and grinning so hard his face hurt.  
  
Megan passed out soon after they got back home, and Jeff carried her up the stairs and left Jared and Jensen alone with the big screen TV and the pool table. Jensen shifted on the couch, biting his lip and just missing Jared’s gaze every time the kid glanced up from where he was lining up his next shot.  
  
A commercial interrupted whatever primetime drama Jensen was pretending to watch, and he reached for the remote. “So, how’s school going?” Hell, he could be friendly.   
  
Jared’s pool stick cracked against the cue ball, sending the others rolling across green felt. “Pretty good,” he answered cheerfully, chalking up and moving to a different angle. “Debate’s almost over, thank god, not that I don’t like it ya know…it’s just a lotta work and with exams coming up and all. Spring training is gonna be starting up soon, too, and coach thinks I’ll probably be good enough for first string. Big enough, anyway, and…god, you probably didn’t wanna hear all that, huh?”  
  
He flushed so pretty that Jensen had to bite down on his tongue. “No, it’s good you’re…motivated.” To say the least. And Jensen definitely was _not_ imagining that sweet little ass wrapped up in a pair of tight football pants. Because that would be wrong.  
  
“Thanks,” Jared said, smiling a bit. Jensen returned it, and then they lapsed back into awkward silence. Or maybe just awkward on Jensen’s end, because he was pretty damn sure that Jared wasn’t standing over there thinking of all the ways he could get _Jensen_ out of his pants.  
  
“Jeff said you were a cheerleader,” Jared blurted out, and Jensen’s attention snapped back to the flush of heat blooming across Jared’s cheeks.   
  
“Yeah? What else did Jeff say?” He meant it as a joke, easy conversation, but Jared suddenly wouldn’t look at him and seemed real focused on landing the seven ball in the corner pocket. Jensen felt a little sick to his stomach, which was _ridiculous._ Hell, he’d never been ashamed of who and what he was, and he’d be damned if some little tempting piece of jailbait changed that for him. “Look, I--”  
  
“It’s cool,” Jared interrupted him quickly, tossing his pool stick on top of the table and turning to face Jensen. He seemed fidgety, nervous, but the smile tilting his lips was real and genuine. “I got nothin’ against it, man. And Jeff likes you a lot, so, you know. That’s more than enough for me.”  
  
Jensen nodded, couldn’t come up with an answer before Jared was sitting next to him on the couch. Jared smiled at him again, then grabbed for the remote. “But dude, a cheerleader?”  
  
Jensen looked over, caught the mischief coloring Jared’s eyes, and huffed out a laugh. “Oh, fuck you.” And just that easy, he caught Jared around the neck and smashed his face against the pillows. That was how Jeff found them when he returned; Jensen pulled back, laughing harder than he could remember as Jared sat up red-faced and sputtering.  
  
“In trouble already, JT?” Jeff smirked as he rounded the coffee table and raised a brow, but there was nothing but amusement, trust, shining there. Jensen swallowed his apology, and settled for grinning when he caught Jeff’s subtle signal.  
  
Jared’s eyes narrowed, and he started scrambling to his knees even as Jensen leaped forward, grabbed him by the ankles. Jeff got him by the arms and they pulled Jared’s squirming body out and toward the back patio.  
  
“Miss me, little brother?” Jeff said, swinging Jared out and over the pool with Jensen’s help. “C’mon…tell me you missed me.”  
  
Jared ignored Jeff’s bait, instead turning his eyes on Jensen. Jensen nearly froze at that big, wet, pleading gaze, until Jeff yelled, “Watch out for the eyes!” and Jared’s gaze narrowed.  
  
Jensen grinned dangerously, and let go. Heard Jeff’s gleeful laughter mixed with Jared’s shouted obscenities before Jared’s head disappeared. He came up still cussing, looking like a drowned puppy.  
  
“Oh fuck you guys!” Jared shook the water from his hair, brought his hand down in a massive splash. “Y’all deserve each other!”  
  
He didn’t really seem mad, but Jensen caught a bit of a chill in the night air and started to feel a little guilty. Jared was treading water toward the side of the pool, all but shivering, and Jensen walked over to meet him at the stairs.  
  
“Hey.” Jared looked up, and Jensen held out a hand. Felt heat crawling up his neck when Jared’s gaze dipped, tongue sweeping across his mouth, before he reached out and wrapped his fingers around Jensen’s.  
  
“Thanks,” he said, soft and shy, and then he jerked. Hard. Jensen went tumbling in on Jeff’s groan, and resurfaced to find Jared grinning back at him. “Sucker.”  
  
“You…” Jensen bit down on his cheek, feeling the _heated water_ swishing around his clothes, skin. He couldn’t help but laugh. “I can’t fucking believe I fell for that.”  
  
“Not your fault, I’m _real_ cute.” Jared made a ridiculous face, and goddamn it, he _was_ that fucking cute.  
  
The patio light went out, and Jensen and Jared turned to see Jeff disappearing through the sliding doors with a little hand wave, still laughing his head off. Jensen’s pulse thrummed faster when he looked back to see Jared’s face silhouetted in the moonlight. Jared rolled his eyes, muttered something uncharitable about his brother and then pulled himself out of the pool.  
  
“Come on, there’re some towels and stuff in the pool house,” he said, but Jensen was barely paying attention. The darkness didn’t do near a good enough job of hiding the fact that Jared was _built_ , clothes soaked and clinging to every goddamn forbidden inch. Jensen closed his eyes, sank into the water until it flowed over his head.  
  
He was only underwater for a minute at the most, and came up to find the door to the pool house cracked open. Light spilled through, and Jensen pulled himself out of the pool and grimaced at the chlorine slicking his skin. He sloshed toward the door, pulled it open and got a faceful of wet t-shirt for his efforts.  
  
“Oh, shit!” Jared laughed, arm still stretched out mid-throw as Jensen blinked and looked down to the sopping material at his feet. “Didn’t, uh, didn’t see you there, Jensen.”  
  
“Right.” If Jensen’s voice came out a bit tighter than usual, he chalked it up to the sight of browned abs and arms as Jared shrugged his shoulders apologetically before reaching for the waistband of his pants.   
  
“Just toss your clothes in the corner there. We’ll make Jeff wash ‘em tomorrow, yeah?” Jared dropped his pants, and Jensen wondered why he’d ever believed in a fair and compassionate God. Because this was above and beyond a grand cosmic joke, and Jared didn’t even seem to _care_ that Jensen was all but drooling over his ass as he rubbed a towel against his hair.  
  
“Right,” Jensen repeated, thick and low, and turned his gaze helplessly toward the stack of towels on the chair beside Jared’s knee. “I’ll just, uh. Yeah.” For Christ’s _sake!_ He’d fucked around with guys that would make a porn star blush, and here he was…tongue-tied and twisted over a fifteen year old who was probably just learning what his dick was even for.  
  
He dried himself off quickly, ignoring the flex of innocent muscle beside him, then tucked the cotton around his hips and all but ran for the door. “Thanks, see ya tomorrow.”  
  
He didn’t wait for a reply, and fell asleep in the guest room with his hand around his dick and a fist in his mouth.  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
“I’m thinking of hitting the mall,” Jensen said the next day, hands behind his head and late morning sun on his face. “Picking up something for your sister’s birthday.”  
  
“Softy,” Jeff murmured, but Jensen could hear the smile in his voice. “Sure, man. Your car and all. You know how to get there?”  
  
Jensen shifted on the lounge chair, squinted at his friend’s profile. “You’re not coming with?” Not that he was too terribly surprised. Jeff had never really been much of a morning person, even though it was closer to noon.  
  
“I’ll go with you.”  
  
Jensen started at the low voice just behind him, and then Jared’s shadow fell across his legs and he stared up at the smiling face that was even brighter than the UV rays pouring down on him. “Uh, hey there.”  
  
“I’m an expert on Meg,” Jared continued, like he didn’t even notice that Jensen was now crossing his legs like a woman. Then again, the kid probably wouldn’t even think of a reason for _that._. He sat down on the edge of Jensen’s lounge, rubbing his hands together and looking oh-so-helpful. “Could save you some trouble.”  
  
“He’s right,” Jeff answered, sounding like he was almost asleep again. “Half the shit I buy her ends up in garage sales. Jared’s got a girly eye or somethin’.”   
  
Jared good-naturedly flipped his big brother off, and Jensen shook his head in amusement. “Home sweet home,” he joked, flipping his sunglasses up and over his hair before slanting Jared another look. “You sure you wanna come? I thought queers pretty much cornered the guy market on shopping without a gun to the head.”  
  
If Jared was taken aback by the blatant hook, he recovered quickly enough for Jensen to miss it. Straightened his shoulders and stared right back until _Jensen_ was the first to look away. “I think I can handle it.” And okay, goddamn, _that_ coupled with Jared’s coy smirk? Just. Wasn’t. Fair.  
  
Jeff groaned, giving Jensen an embarrassing jolt that he’d all but forgotten his friend was even _there._ “Christ, quit flirting with my dork brother and get outta here already.”  
  
“Dude,” Jensen blurted out, coming to his feet and staring at Jeff in horror. “I wasn’t even…I wouldn’t…”  
  
“Jensen, what the hell’s the matter with you?” Jeff laughed at the shock on Jensen’s face. “I was _kidding_. Just, you know, go get whatever you need and then get back here because we got plans tonight.”  
  
Jensen bit down on the inside of his cheek and just nodded, avoiding Jared’s gaze as he grabbed his shirt and passed by. But he could hear heavy footsteps following as he walked inside, picked up his keys and slid into a pair of sneakers.  
  
When he turned around again, Jared was standing there with his hands in his pockets and his gaze somewhere south of Jensen’s nose. “Look, sorry about Jeff…sometimes he can be an oblivious ass, but he never means it, you know?”  
  
Yeah, Jensen knew. Didn’t really mind, either, because hell…he was the same way more often than not. But he wasn’t about to say that, not with Jared in front of him and looking so embarrassed for _Jensen_ and eager to please. _And stop right there, you sick son of a bitch._   
  
“Part of his charm,” he finally choked out, twirling his keys and shouldering past Jared before he did something really stupid because of that goddamn _smile._ When Jared didn’t make a move to follow, Jensen cursed himself for a fool and called out, “You comin’?”  
  
He didn’t look to be sure, but he could feel Jared beaming behind him. Wasn’t any more immune to it in the cold light of day, and when they reached his truck, Jensen rounded the front bumper and tossed Jared the keys. Jared caught them against his chest, surprise written across his face.  
  
“Ever drive a stick?” Sunglasses in place, Jensen slid into the passenger seat.  
  
“Once or twice.” Jared licked his lips, slanted Jensen a grin. “Maybe third time’s the charm?”  
  
Jensen waved a hand, leaned back and watched through darkened lens as Jared took a deep breath. Got behind the wheel and paused. Jensen’s lips curled at the hesitation, and somehow it relaxed him enough to tease, “This truck works on an ignition, you gotta put the key in first.”  
  
Jared’s huffed laughter dug down deep in Jensen’s bones. “Ha-ha. I was just…thinking.” He cranked the engine, and Jensen stayed quiet. He wasn’t sure he really wanted Jared to elaborate any further.  
  
Jared was a good driver, all things considered. There were a few times Jensen closed his eyes and imagined his tires, burned and smoking on the pavement behind them, but all in all…the kid knew what was what. He said as much as they pulled into the local mall, and was rewarded with Jared’s blinding dimples.  
  
“Yeah? Awesome. Thanks.”  
  
As they walked toward the front doors, Jensen was nearly overcome by the sudden and ridiculous urge to hold Jared’s damn hand. Any other time, any other _person_ , and he might have. ‘Course, it also wouldn’t have meant a damn thing, and with Jared it would’ve meant too much.  
  
Jared was talking his ear off within minutes of entering the mall; the kid knew all the best places for _everything_ , and Jensen smirked. Remembered back when he knew all the best places Dallas had to offer, back when there was nothing much else to do as a teenager.  
  
“Claire’s is your best bet,” Jared said, and Jensen followed him past the brightly colored stores and tried to keep his gaze eye-level. “Megan’s really into all that plastic gold and junk.” He paused, then his voice went a little deep and devious. “I mean, if you think you can _handle_ being seen in there. It is pretty girly.”  
  
“Fuck off.” Jensen flashed his teeth when Jared looked over. “I got a little sister, too, man. I know all about costume jewelry and look pretty damn good wearing it, too.”  
  
Jared stumbled as they entered the shop, and Jensen patted him on the back and moved on. Couldn’t keep from grinning as he pretended to peruse the shelves of sparkly pink and purple.   
  
When he looked again, Jared was standing over by the register, talking up the cute blonde cashier who was apparently taking hair-flipping to an all new level. Jensen grabbed the first thing his hand skimmed across and wandered over, catching snippets of Jared’s belly laughter and low murmurs.  
  
The blonde caught sight of him first, and her eyes widened a bit before she stood straight, practically swallowing her tongue. Jared caught on soon after that, half-turning on his elbow and eyes lighting up as Jensen approached.  
  
“Jen, this is my friend, Claire. I’m the genius who forced her to get a job here, but I mean, how could she not. Ya know?” Jared chuckled again, and Jensen’s smile became a little less forced. Jared’s gaze landed on the merchandise in his palm, and he snickered a little. “Wha’cha got there?”  
  
“I, uh.” Jensen glanced down, blinked at the blob of feathers and glitter. “What the hell is this?”  
  
“It’s a headband,” Claire giggled while Jared almost choked on his. She reached out a hand, and Jensen placed the feathery mess in her palm. “See, look.” She worked some kind of magic, flipped her fingers, and then held up the accessory. “See? Girls love it.”  
  
“I bet Jensen would look _pretty damn good_ wearing it, too,” Jared drawled, mischievous and adorable, and Jensen stuck out his tongue before he could think better of it. The bark of surprised laughter was worth it though, as was the blatant admiration in Jared’s hazel gaze.  
  
“As hot as I’m sure that’d be,” Jensen said, feigning ruefulness, “would Megan like it?”  
  
Jared’s expression softened to something that clenched low in Jensen’s belly. “From you? Hell yeah, man. Think she’s got a bit of a crush anyway, you could probably bring her a paper sack and she’d mount it on the wall.”  
  
“Wouldn’t blame her,” Claire mumbled, and Jensen pulled out his wallet with a wink. He felt Jared’s stare as he flirted harmlessly with his friend, and when he had the gift bag in hand, turned to find Jared’s lids hovering low and his jaw hard.   
  
“Hey, come by tomorrow, okay?” Jared said to Claire, leaning over and pressing a kiss to her cheek, eyes still on Jensen. “Miss you, girl.”  
  
“Your fault for makin’ me work!” But she laughed, squeezed him on the arm and all but sparkled at Jared until Jensen cleared his throat and muttered a quick good-bye. He was half-way back to the mall exit when a heavy hand circled his wrist.  
  
“Let’s get an Orange Julius,” Jared suggested, dragging Jensen back in the direction they’d come from. “I’m kinda hungry, you hungry?”  
  
Jensen wasn’t really hungry, even a little bit. “I could go for a burger,” he said, unable to retain mild irritation, confusion, in the wake of Jared’s hopeful expression. “But I’ll pass on the milkshake. Bad experience,” he explained when Jared shot him a disbelieving look.  
  
“If it involves turning down an Orange Julius, I don’t think I wanna know,” Jared mourned. “But all right. Meet you at Dairy Queen in ten?”  
  
Jensen nodded, and watched Jared amble off across the food court. He sank into a nearby chair, blowing out a shaky breath and running a hand through his hair. He wasn’t quite sure what the hell had happened back there, but _something_ had. And Jensen had a feeling that whatever he’d thrown into motion, he had no chance of stopping.  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
“So, you really actually _cheered_ and everything?” Jared seemed amazed, crunching on a french fry, full attention trained on Jensen. “Like, rah-rah-sisk-boom-bah?”  
  
“I didn’t wear a skirt and own a set of pom-pons, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Jensen answered wryly, and then had to laugh at Jared’s worried look. Before he could apologize, Jensen held up a hand. “Hey, it’s cool. Not your thing…I get it. But yeah, it wasn’t too bad. Just shout some shit, get people riled up, and spend the rest of the time looking hot and lifting chicks up on your shoulders.”  
  
“Too afraid to get down and dirty on the football field, Ackles?” Jared’s voice dipped low, a tease that sent a shiver down Jensen’s spine. Then Jared munched on another fry, and wound up with a blob of ketchup on his lower lip. The juxtaposition was about ready to murder Jensen.  
  
“Not afraid. _Lazy_.” But the truth was, football just hadn’t really been an option. Not for someone as out and proud as Jensen had forced himself to be, and even though his family and friends supported that, the Great State of Texas had yet to catch on and it _was_ safer all around for Jensen to hang out on the sidelines.  
  
As if he could read Jensen’s thoughts, Jared’s smile faded a bit and he looked down at his tray for several seconds. Cleared his throat, not meeting Jensen’s eyes as he asked, “So, when did you know you were. Well. You know?”  
  
Jensen squirmed, trying like hell not to find the question even remotely a turn-on. It shouldn’t be, and yet, just as he was ready to toss off some silly comment and turn the conversation away from himself, Jared looked back up. Burned right through Jensen with open curiosity and sincerity, and Jensen heard himself telling the truth. “Pretty much when I got hard thinking about blowing the football captain in the locker room.”  
  
Jared choked on dry air, tried to cover it up by taking a sip of Coke, but Jensen saw the spots of color in his cheeks. Tried not to blush himself, because now the words were out there just… _hovering._  
  
“And, um, when was that?” Jared asked a minute later, a bit squeakier than before.  
  
_Hell, in for a penny…_ Jensen shrugged his shoulders and started playing with a used napkin. “Sophomore year, maybe. I mean, I probably knew before then…but after that it was kinda hard to pretend otherwise.”  
  
Jared just nodded, a frown floating at the edges of his lips. “Right.”  
  
They spent a few minutes in silence, the sounds of the busy mall surrounding on all sides. Jensen picked at the lunch he hadn’t really wanted to begin with, and finally pushed back in his chair and sighed. “Sorry, is this gonna be weird now?”  
  
Jared’s gaze snapped up from where he’d been perusing his own food. It would’ve been almost comical, the expression on his face, if Jensen hadn’t been about ready to strangle himself. Or cry. “Weird? What? Why would it be weird?” Jared said in such a rush that it took Jensen two times repeating it in his head before he understood a word.  
  
His lips twisted cynically. “Because I shouldn’t have told you any of that? God, Jeff’s probably gonna kill me.”  
  
“I’m not gonna tell Jeff.” Jared sounded offended that Jensen would even _consider_ such a thing, and Jensen relaxed a little. Then, “And why shouldn’t you have told me? I _asked._ ”  
  
_Because you didn’t really want to know_. Out loud Jensen only said, “Want another milkshake?” He ignored Jared’s searching stare as he gathered their trash and took off for the garbage cans.   
  
The drive home was punctuated by light conversation and the radio, which Jensen turned up after the third time Jared looked ready to bring up what’d happened at lunch. When they finally got back to the house, Jensen was equal parts relieved and guilty to find Jeff waiting for them.  
  
“Get your party clothes on, Jenny boy. We got places to go, people to pick me over you for once.” Jeff clapped his hands together, hair still wet from a shower, and Jensen got out and shut the passenger door. Jeff blinked. “You let Jared drive your truck?”  
  
“Yeah, so?” And damn, that’d come out way snappier than necessary.   
  
“You won’t even let me breathe near it some days.” Jeff raised his eyebrows, gaze traveling past Jensen toward his brother. “So how’d she handle, JT?”  
  
“Like a dream,” came Jared’s soft reply, and Jensen took the keys Jared dangled toward him. A smile lifted Jared’s lips. “Thanks for the lesson, Jensen.”  
  
Jensen nodded, and couldn’t help but wonder just what kind of lesson Jared was referring to.  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
Jensen was pretty sure he was never drinking again. If dragging Jeff’s ass home after his friend had one too many Rattlesnake shots and nearly faceplanted into the wall hadn’t cured him of the notion, then making out with a shaggy-haired stranger with big brown eyes sure as hell had.  
  
Thankfully, Jeff _had_ been there, and the whole faceplanting thing had gone down before Shaggy Hair had been able to go down on _Jensen._ Because Jensen was sobering up pretty damn quick, and realizing with it that he had some serious issues that needed working out.  
  
After tucking Jeff into his bed, which Jensen could and _would_ use as blackmail for the rest of their natural born lives, he dove for the guest bathroom. Determined to wash off the alcohol and stale smoke seeping from his pores, the saliva drying to his skin. Instead, he just got under the hot spray and jerked off until his come washed down the drain along with Jared’s name.  
  
He got out of the shower, wrapping a plain white towel around his hips. Steam curled, fogged the mirror, and Jensen wiped it away while staring at the flush on his cheeks. His eyes were too bright; there was a purpling bruise at the base of his collarbone, and Jensen reached for it with shaking fingers. He dropped his hand at the last second, squeezing his eyes tight and blowing out a breath.  
  
The hallway was dark when he stepped out, no sounds coming from either of the nearby bedrooms. Jensen threw up a prayer for small miracles, and pulled the bathroom door shut behind him. Turned around, and found Jared leaning against the wall.  
  
“Hey.” Jared yawned, scratching idly at his belly, and Jensen wanted to laugh at the sleep-tousled innocence. But then Jared was smiling, eyes heavy-lidded and gleaming in the moonlight pouring through the bay window at the end of the hall, and Jensen’s tongue tied.  
  
“Couldn’t sleep?” Jared asked, moving a little closer, and Jensen bit off a silent curse and pressed back against the wall. He was damn well aware of the towel clutched tight between his fingers, of the sweatpants barely hanging on the lean curve of Jared’s hips.  
  
_Jesus Christ._  
  
“Just got in.” He winced at the hoarse quality shading his voice. “Late night.” Offering nothing more than that, he brushed by Jared and tried to ignore the burn between his shoulder blades.  
  
“Jeff back, too?” came the low response a beat later, and Jensen gritted his teeth and quickened his step. “Hey.” Fingertips brushed his shoulder, and Jensen froze in place. “Something wrong?”  
  
“What’re you doing up anyway?” The words came out a shade too snappy. He looked up, glimpsed Jared’s confused features. “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”  
  
“Funny.” Jared just kept _looking_ at him, sleepy amusement softening his features until Jensen wanted to lean into him, mouth up and under that pretty jaw. See if Jared tasted as forbidden as he looked.  
  
“Tired,” he mumbled instead, dropping Jared’s gaze and starting down the hall again. He half-expected Jared’s stubborn ass to follow him, but the sound of a door closing dispelled the notion and any unhealthy hope Jensen might’ve been entertaining.  
  
At least until he was lying in bed and heard the first splash. Jensen was fully aware of the fact that the guest bedroom overlooked the patio, and unless Jeff had somehow woken up from the dead slumber of the intoxicated and managed to get downstairs to drown himself, there was only one person it could be. And Jensen should just stay in bed, pull the sheets over his head and grin and bear it.  
  
Which was obviously why he found himself at the window, watching Jared breaststroke through the moonlit water and pressing a hand to his dick. The glass was cool against his forehead, and Jensen bit his lip. Slid his hand in his underwear and stroked in time with Jared’s. He was still just tipsy enough to not care how pathetic this was, and curled his free hand around the windowsill.  
  
Jared reached one end of the pool, curled in on himself and pushed off for the other. Jensen’s breath hitched, his fist quickened, and his knuckles went white. He could hear himself as if from far away, tight, muttered groans, and shot messy and quick across his fingers when Jared stepped up the ladder. He was all broad back and long legs, shaking his head like a damn puppy, and Jensen slapped a palm against the window.  
  
Jared looked up at the dull thud, and Jensen caught his breath. Stood there, busted like the peeping Tom he totally was, and then Jared grinned up at him. He waved Jensen down, and Jensen stepped back until he stumbled over his shoes and landed flat-out on the floor. Come dripped down his leg, stuck to his fingers, and he was pretty sure his chin was on fire with carpet-burn.  
  
All in all, a real high point of his vacation.  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
The day of Megan’s birthday party bloomed bright and cloudless, and Jensen got woken up by a bouncing at the foot of his bed. He had all of two seconds to be glad he’d remembered to pull on some pants before passing out the night before, and rolled over to find a sweet, pink smile right in his face.  
  
He grinned back helplessly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Mornin’, birthday girl.”  
  
“Well? What’d you get me?” Megan asked, and the sun caught on the tiara placed on top of her brown curls. “Because Jared totally caved and told me you got me somethin’.”  
  
Before Jensen could speak, the door flew open and Jared rushed in. Harried and apologetic, dimples winking. “I’m sorry, she snuck out on me. Megan! Let Jensen sleep and get downstairs before I feed you to Mr Hiss.”  
  
“That dumb ol’ snake isn’t real!” Megan squealed with laughter, beating her fists as Jared manhandled her off the bed and over his shoulder. “Jared, I’m tellin’ on you to Father Sinclair! Lying is bad, said so last Sunday!”  
  
“Oh yeah? Then I’m not sharing my Poptart with you,” Jared countered as he carried her out of the room, and Megan shut up pretty quick. Jensen fell back against the sheets and laughed up at the ceiling.   
  
He made it downstairs fifteen, twenty minutes later, and found Mrs Padalecki making breakfast and listening to Jared talk about some debate tournament. Jensen hovered on the bottom step, feeling shy and uncertain to intrude on the private family moment. Then Jared’s eyes fell on him, his face breaking out into a grin.  
  
Jensen came into the kitchen, offering a smile when Mrs Padalecki looked up from the stove. “Good morning.”  
  
“Oh, you must be Jensen!” She put down her spatula and pulled him into a hug. “Jeff’s told us so much about you, but he never said a thing about that pretty face. My word.”  
  
“He wouldn’t,” Jared snorted. “Because then no one would bother lookin’ at his ugly mug.”  
  
“JT,” Mrs Padalecki said, but the warning was warm and good-natured. She squeezed Jensen’s shoulder, waving him into a seat across from Jared. “Well, sit down now. I’ll fix you boys something to eat before I have to go into the office. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you got in, Jensen. Jeff’s father and I had some errands to run…I’m afraid there’s no vacation for parents.”  
  
“It’s all right,” Jensen said, mouth watering at the sight of golden pancakes and bacon she was piling onto plates. “Thank you for having me though.”  
  
“We’re thrilled you’re here.” Jeff’s mother slid one of the plates in front of Jensen. “And we’ll be back this afternoon for Meggie’s party…Jared, you make sure your brother remembers to pick up that cake, okay?”  
  
“Yes, mama,” Jared said between bites, and Jensen flushed warm at the endearment. God, he was so far gone that he was turned-on by the idea of Jared being a sweet little mama’s boy now? This was so beyond the realm of bad.  
  
Jeff trudged down the stairs a half hour after Mrs Padalecki excused herself to leave, and Jensen couldn’t help but laugh at the dark circles under his best friend’s eyes. “Hey there, gorgeous,” he purred, kicking back and chewing on a toothpick he’d plucked from the center of the table as Jeff scuffed his way over.  
  
“Just tell me…” Jeff collapsed into a chair, pressed his fingers tight against his mouth. “Just tell me I scored with that little blonde thing. Just tell me that.”  
  
“Hmm…” Jensen pretended to think it over. “I’m pretty sure you would’ve, man. If you hadn’t walked into that wall and knocked yourself out.”  
  
“Never drinking _again_.” Jeff’s expression was so miserably horrified that Jensen almost felt bad.  
  
Almost.  
  
Jared, however, seemed perfectly content to laugh and laugh. “Oh, man. That’s pretty fucking classic.”  
  
“Watch your fucking mouth,” Jeff muttered, grabbing Jensen’s orange juice and tossing it back. “Well. That’s it, then. I’ve gotta throw down here…reclaim my manhood.”  
  
Jared perked up at this, all traces of amusement at Jeff’s expense wiped clean. “Mom and Dad are leaving again tomorrow afternoon. Taking Megan to visit Grandma.”  
  
He and Jeff exchanged meaningful glances, then grinned and tapped knuckles in simultaneous agreement. “Blowout.”  
  
“Do I even wanna know?” Jensen asked, feeling a bit light-headed when they turned the combined Padalecki-grin Force on him.  
  
“Let’s just say…tomorrow night? Even _you_ might be able to get lucky, Jen.” Jeff punctuated this ridiculously exaggerated statement with a clap to Jensen’s shoulder, and got up to grab the phone. Jensen lifted a brow toward Jared, who just smiled more and stretched out his legs until his knee brushed Jensen’s thigh.  
  
Jensen got out of there pretty quick under the guise of taking a shower. Or jerking off.


	2. Chapter 2

**there's a piece of a puzzle known as life: 2/4**  
[jensen/jared, nc-17, 26K] *notes at the end of fic  
  
  
  
  
  
 

**there's a piece of a puzzle known as life.  
by keepaofthecheez.**

  
  
  
  
String bikinis in bright colors, jailbait tits and ass everywhere he looked, and Jensen rubbed a hand down his face and reached for coffee. The bitter taste didn’t help get rid of the sour in the back of his throat. “Friendly guy, huh?”  
  
He darted a quick glance at Jeff, but his friend was chugging down some red power drink Jensen wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole and seemed pretty unconcerned by Jared’s wild antics. “It’s the eyes,” Jeff confided a minute later, glancing over his shoulder and snorting. “Swear the kid could get away with anything because of those damn eyes.”  
  
Megan’s princess party was taking place in the backyard by the barbecue pit, but apparently it was Padalecki tradition that all the kids got to invite a friend or two to family festivities. Jared’s definition of that seemed to be a bit fuzzy in Jensen’s opinion.  
  
He watched Jared dive into the pool, come up again near Claire from Claire’s, and fumbled with his sunglasses before he wound up shooting green laser-beams from his eyes.  
  
What pissed Jensen off the most, and what _should’ve_ left him more than a little relieved, was that Jared seemed to have all but forgotten Jensen’s existence. The moment his friends showed up, Jared had reverted into the horny, rambunctious teenage boy Jensen had expected him to be all along, and suddenly Jensen was The Adult. Hot enough to get a flirtatious look here and there, but not to be taken seriously and invited to join in on any of the wild and crazy fun.  
  
Jensen sighed, crossed his arms against his chest, and _pouted._ “I feel old.”  
  
“Dude, you turned twenty last month. Get over yourself.”  
  
Which was pretty much exactly what Jensen needed to hear. “You’re a good best friend,” he murmured, and then reached over and slid a hand up Jeff’s arm. Pretended to feel his bicep and shivered. “And you’re _so_ pretty and strong.”  
  
Jeff didn’t even flinch, which just proved Jensen’s point for him. “Oh, fuck off. I’m tryin’ to figure out if that girl’s gonna fall out of her top.”  
  
Jensen grinned. “I really do love you, man.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. You’re just horny as hell.” But Jeff was cracking a smile, too. “Save it for tomorrow night, stud.”  
  
“Speaking of that,” Jensen said, watching Jared attack a group of girls with a floating noodle, “what’s the plan? I thought we were never drinking again.”  
  
“Out _there_ , yeah.” Jeff took another sip from his drink and belched. “The pool house is totally within drinking limits.”  
  
“Uh-huh. And how’re you gonna fit more than ten people in there?”  
  
“Well, the game room and the den are okay, too.”  
  
“Jeeeensen!” The shriek preceded Megan by a second, and Jensen sat up in time to catch an armful of gorgeous little girl. “Want some cake?”  
  
“I’d love some cake.” He ruffled Megan’s hair and grinned like stupid at the sight of purple feathers and glitter. “Hey, you’re wearin’ it!”  
  
“Best. Present. _Ever!_ ” Megan hollered, squeezing him and then dashing over to the pool. Jensen chuckled, realizing Megan was clearly riding high on sugar and presents. Hands on her hips, she cleared her throat and tapped her foot. “Jared Tristan Padalecki! Come pay attention to me or else I’ll pull out the naked baby pictures, I will!”  
  
There were several catcalls, and then Jared was climbing out of the pool and chasing his sister into the green grass. She shrieked around her laughter, sopping wet by the time Jared got through with her, cheeks and eyes bright with pleasure. “Cake, bitches!” she yelled, taking off again while Jared winced and Jeff slapped a hand to his forehead.  
  
“Oh, great. There’s no chance Mom didn’t hear that one.” Jeff sat up, and Jensen glanced over to find that, sure enough, Mrs Padalecki was shooting her sons dark looks that promised retribution.  
  
Jensen shook his head and followed after Megan. She insisted on introducing him to all her friends, calling him “My Jensen” and after the third time, Jensen heard a soft snort and turned around to find Jared leaning against one of the picnic tables.  
  
“Hey,” Jensen said easily, because he wasn’t holding a grudge that Jared had ignored him all afternoon. Not at all. He held up a slice of strawberry pink cake with pink frosting and pink roses. “Want some?”  
  
“Don’t mind if I do.” Jared walked over, took the plate from Jensen. Their fingers brushed and Jensen dropped his hand like it was on fire. Jared just dug in, watching Jensen with tip-tilted, lazy eyes. “Not gonna give it a try?”  
  
“I’m not sure I’m a big fan of the flavor pink,” Jensen admitted, and Jared laughed. “Besides, you, uh, look like you’re enjoying it enough for the both of us.”  
  
“Sugar is my God.” Jared backed up and straddled a bench. Licked his lips and caught a stray streak of icing. “Hey, why didn’t you come out last night?”  
  
The question was so casual and out of the blue that Jensen didn’t get it at first. Then memories of bare, wet flesh and hard cock hit him smack in the gut and he stammered out a pitiful, “W-What?”  
  
Jared just smiled, taking another bite of cake.   
  
Jensen swallowed, shrugged his shoulders with as much nonchalance as he could manage. “It was late, I was…drunk.”  
  
“Ah, right. I get it. Friends don’t let friends drink and dive.”  
  
Jensen rolled his eyes and laughed. “Oh, God. Never again, Jared.”  
  
“Bad pun, I know. Sorry.” Jared’s teeth flashed, tongue bright pink, and an invisible fist took hold of Jensen’s heart and squeezed.  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
Jeff’s parents left with Megan early the next day, and Jeff took off to places unknown with a “get ready to party hearty”. Jared was nowhere to be found, so Jensen opted to get a good, late afternoon swim on before whatever was going to happen that night went down.   
  
It was a perfect Texas Spring day; not too hot or humid, the sky blue and endless. Jensen slathered himself with sunblock and dove in. He did a few back and forth sets, welcoming the pleasant burn in his arms and legs. He lost track of the time out there, alternating exercise with floating, day-dreaming. The sun began to fade behind the trees, the crickets starting their song as Jensen dove underwater for the last time.  
  
When he resurfaced, shaking his head and wiping the water from his eyes, he saw Jared at the edge of the pool. Feet in the water, weight on his elbows and eyes on Jensen.  
  
Jensen sank lower, feeling the water wash cool over his shoulders. “Uh, sorry. Didn’t know you wanted to use…” He waved a hand, eyes drifting helplessly when Jared shifted, bringing his knee up and giving Jensen a _really_ unnecessary view of--  
  
“I didn’t.” Jared interrupted with a wicked grin Jensen returned before thinking better of it. “I just saw you out here, thought I’d come say hi.” The dimples appeared; Jared licked his lips, voice dropping. “See if my maybe my houseguest needed anything.”  
  
“Jeff’s houseguest,” Jensen joked, and then could’ve slapped himself for the playful encouragement. Jared’s gaze lit up, and Jensen ducked underneath the water.  
  
There was a splash that sent bubbles flying to the brim, and Jensen surfaced to find Jared treading water in his direction.   
  
Jared just kept on staring at him, and it was pretty damn disconcerting considering Jensen couldn’t remember a moment since he’d met the guy that Jared’s mouth hadn’t been running. After a few overlong seconds of awkward silence, Jared finally spoke.   
  
“Sometimes I get the feeling you don’t like me very much.”  
  
Jensen blinked, voice going rough and low. “Why?” Jared moved closer, and Jensen could smell chlorine and soap, could almost _taste_ the forbidden thrill on his tongue. “I like you fine.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jared’s lips quirked at one corner, and Jensen glimpsed several small moles, freckles, scattered across Jared’s shoulders. “How much?”  
  
Jared licked his lips, and Jensen’s eyes zeroed in on the movement. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath, finally dragging his gaze up to Jared’s. Seeing the confusion there, he laughed a little and reached up to halt Jared’s progress as he came closer. “Jared, I…I’m not sure what you’re going for here, but.”  
  
“You’re into guys.” The statement came out blunt and strong, but with that slight warble of insecurity Jensen could remember from the days of his own initial experimentation. Then Jared straightened, pressed against Jensen’s restraining hand. His eyes were sharp and focused, wouldn’t let Jensen look away, much as he wanted-- _needed_ \--to. “And I’ve seen the way you look at me. And, and that night in the hall--”  
  
“Not into _kids_.” Shaky, desperate, hanging onto the last bit of willpower he possessed.  
  
“Oh, because you’re a grown-ass man yourself?” But Jared didn’t sound angry, or belligerent…just more amused than anything else. His teeth flashed, and Jensen’s dick twitched. “C’mon, Jen…don’t ya think I’m cute?”  
  
_Fuck, yes._   
  
Jensen shook his head, voice helpless and soft. “C’mon, Jared. This isn’t…it’s not _okay._ ”  
  
At that, Jared’s brows drew together. “Why not?”  
  
There was nothing funny about Jensen’s laugh, and he swam over to the side of the pool, resting his forehead against the waterproof tile. “Jesus, you’re _fifteen!_ ” he hissed, well-aware of Jared’s looming presence behind him again. “Not to mention you’re straight, _and_ my best friend’s little brother. Which one you want me to address first?” He looked up, caught Jared’s jaw working.  
  
“What about what _I_ want?” was his response, low and measured, and Jensen could tell it was taking every bit of Jared’s self-control not to throw a complete hissy fit. “Yeah, sure, I’m not a big college boy. But that doesn’t mean I don’t got a clue, Jensen.”  
  
“That’s not what I meant.” Jensen sucked in a slow breath, heart thudding in his ears and cock heavy in his shorts. “Damn it. Look, we just…we can’t, all right? I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise, that’s on me and--”  
  
“Oh, fuck you.” Jared spat it out, turning away and taking off for the opposite of the pool while Jensen gritted his teeth and stared after him.   
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
“This is insane,” Jensen called out over the music, shaking his head and staring at the turn-out of Jeff’s guests. “Do you actually know all of these people?”  
  
“Put ‘em through a very vigorous screening process,” Jeff answered, running the tap on a large keg in the backyard. “But mostly, no.”  
  
“And you don’t care that they’re in your house. Possibly stealing shit and jizzing on your furniture.” Jensen grimaced as he looked over, saw two people writhing in the bushes. “God, it’s like…like being back in high school.”  
  
“Scary, huh?” Jeff grinned at the sight, passing Jensen a bottle of the good stuff he’d saved in the upstairs refrigerator. “Cheers to feeling _and_ being young, Ackles.”  
  
Jensen tapped the neck of his beer against Jeff’s, took a swig and followed his friend into the house. The lights were dimmed down low, alternative rock blaring out of the speaker system, and Jensen glanced around. Tried to tell himself he _wasn’t_ looking for Jared, although it was pretty much a lost cause.  
  
He hadn’t seen Jeff’s little brother since the pool incident, and right now getting plastered was looking pretty damn good on his list of things to do. Anything to distract from the stupid, fucking ridiculous _guilty_ feeling that’d been weighing on him since turning Jared down.  
  
Of course, everything in the universe was against Jensen, because it wasn’t two minutes after making that important decision that he glanced over toward the stairs and saw long, denim-clad legs come traipsing down. Lean hips, tight abs covered by a dark cotton polo came next, and Jensen muttered a curse into his beer when Jared’s shaggy head turned, gaze taking in the party with obvious interest.  
  
“Hey, check it out.” Jensen held up his beer in Jared’s direction, silently tracking the movement of Jeff’s younger brother through the crowd. When Jared plopped down on the couch, smiling up at a petite brunette and waving her into his lap, Jensen’s jaw clenched. He drew on the alcohol without looking away, warmth and jealousy swirling in his belly.  
  
Jeff seemed unconcerned by both Jared’s presence and the flirtation, just laughed and saluted his oblivious brother while clapping Jensen on the back. “What’d I tell you?” he called out over the pulse of the music. “It’s those damn eyes, right?”  
  
Jensen gave a tight nod, watching Jared’s hand slide up slim thigh, just under the girl’s short, ruffled skirt. She leaned in and giggled at something Jared said, and then whispered back. Jared’s gaze went wide, teeth catching on his bottom lip, and he glanced over and caught Jensen staring.  
  
_Look away._   
  
But Jensen kept right on looking, took another swig of beer. Jared’s collar was unbuttoned, giving glimpses of browned throat that Jensen wanted to taste…see if the gleam of sweat from Texas humidity would flavor his tongue, clean and sharp.  
  
Someone passed by in between them, breaking the thread of connection, and when Jensen looked again, Jared was accepting a drink from the brunette. Lips shiny-slick when he pulled back, and he tongued across them and grinned. Jensen’s fingers tightened on the bottle in his hands.  
  
“Should you be letting him do that?” he wondered, too tightly, and could’ve kicked himself in the balls when Jeff blinked at him in surprise.  
  
“I’d rather him do it here where I can keep an eye out than go get wasted and do something stupid out there, you know?” Jeff shrugged, motioning vaguely toward the door before slinging an arm around Jensen’s shoulders and laughing a little. “Christ, look at you…all worried and uptight. Ain’t this a change of events.”  
  
Jensen absolutely wouldn’t blush. “I just…he’s a good kid,” he said honestly, careful to bite back just what parts he personally found the best. “I’d hate for somethin’ to ruin that.”  
  
Jared’s eyes snapped to his again, and this time he deliberately held Jensen’s gaze while tossing back whatever was in the bright red cup. Jensen found himself licking his own lips, fingering the rim of his bottle and feeling the effects somewhere south of his belt.  
  
“A little jungle juice never hurt a guy, Jen,” Jeff was saying, eyeing something across the room. His voice took on a distracted note before he grinned big and wiggled his brows at Jensen. “But by all means, you wanna follow JT around all night? Be my guest.”  
  
Jensen watched him walk off toward a leggy blonde, and sighed. When the hell had _he_ turned into Jared’s fucking chaperone? Jeff was right: he was acting completely ridiculous. He’d been doing plenty worse at Jared’s age himself, and Jared wasn’t his fucking responsibility anyway.  
  
That thought firmly in mind, Jensen turned to chuck his empty beer bottle in the trash and decided to make the most of the evening by finding _himself_ a little fun. There was plenty to choose from, as a quick scan of the room soon proved, and Jensen had just about settled on a pair of smoldering blue eyes with an ass that was just begging for it when a flash of shaggy brown hair crossed his vision.  
  
And then Jared was laughing, his hands low on his flirty partner’s hips as she pressed against him in a dirty bump-and-grind. Her mouth was working in feverish point against his jaw, and Jensen could already imagine the bruise that’d be there by morning. Swallowed down the surge of irritation, and turned back to find his own prey gone missing.  
  
Another glance Jared’s way showed Jeff’s brother now near on fucking his dance partner right there on the floor, and Jensen stared in a mixture of pissed-off anger he had _no_ right to, and downright fucking horniness as small hands ran up Jared’s chest. Plucked at the buttons until Jensen could see the smattering of moles along Jared’s collarbone. When he finally lifted his gaze again, it was to find Jared watching him with a smug expression that didn’t belong anywhere near an innocent teenage boy that was completely off-limits.  
  
_Goddamn fucking tease_. Jensen’s teeth ground together, lids dropping low as he pressed back against the wall and watched Jared put on his little show. No one was really paying them much attention; it was _hardly_ the most sordid display going on at the moment, but none of these people had any business seeing Jared like this. The more he watched, the more the thought pressed in and weighed on Jensen’s mind.  
  
Fuck it, Jared _was_ his responsibility. As Jeff’s best friend and as a big brother himself, Jensen just couldn’t let it go on.  
  
“Jensen,” Jared drawled as he approached, pulling on the vowels like taffy, and Jensen’s dick was so goddamn hard it was a wonder someone hadn’t called a citizen’s arrest for indecent exposure. “What’s up, man?”  
  
And _that_ , that careless easy tone was just the end of it. Jensen spared Jared’s clingy friend the barest of smiles before laying a hand on Jared’s arm. “Come on now, Jared,” he said with equal casualness. “Need your help finding something upstairs.”  
  
Jared looked fucking _gleeful_ , abandoning his friend so quick it would’ve made Jensen grin if he wasn’t about ready to wring Jared’s neck for screwing with him, for making Jensen want him so bad when it just wasn’t _right._  
  
“What the hell are you tryin’ to prove?” Jensen hissed two seconds after they reached the dark quiet of the hallway. He spun Jared around, shoved him up against the wall and glared. Jared just shook his head slowly, eyes glittering and so heavily dilated that it was like looking into black, melted pools. Jensen’s gaze narrowed, he reached out and shook Jared’s shoulders. “What’re you on? Don’t look at me like that…you think I’m a fuckin’ idiot, Jay?”  
  
Jared licked his lips, and Jensen muttered a curse and dropped his hands. Rubbed them down his face before hearing a soft, “Stacey, I…she gave me this…stuff. Said I’d feel real good.”  
  
The hopeful hitch in his voice was almost Jensen’s undoing. _Christ._ He took in the subtle flush in Jared’s cheeks, the shallow breath rising in his chest, and tried to remind himself that this was all so fucking illegal. “What kind of stuff?” he asked, more bite to his words than necessary and making Jared flinch a little.  
  
“I dunno, man.” A beat of silence, and then Jared grinned, tilted his head and ran a hand down the front of his shirt. “She wasn’t lyin’ though. I feel all…loose.”  
  
Jensen blinked, ignoring Jared’s attempt to bait him and narrowing his gaze as everything hit home. “You sniff something, Jared? Hey, look at me.”  
  
But Jared _was_ looking, just not at Jensen’s face. Slowly, he dragged his eyes up from the press of Jensen’s cock against his jeans and nodded.  
  
Jensen cussed low. “She gave you poppers? Oh, Jesus Christ. Wonderful.”  
  
At that, Jared frowned. “Aren’t poppers for gay sex? What the hell was she givin’ me that for?” He didn’t seem mad, just confused.  
  
Jensen swallowed a groan, both at Jared’s naïveté and at his goddamn stupid actions. Taking hold of Jared’s arm, he half-dragged Jeff’s brother down the hall and started up the stairs. “Not time for a drugs lesson, pal. Come on, you need to go lay down.”  
  
Jared only struggled a little, muttering stuff under his breath that Jensen heard only too well. Stuff that would’ve made Jensen blush and trip over his own tongue if he hadn’t been so damn _annoyed._ At Jared, at himself for wanting nothing more than to take advantage of this sweet little turn of events.  
  
He threw open the door to Jared’s room, _finally_ , and practically shoved Jared inside. “On the bed.”  
  
“You’re no fun,” came Jared’s molasses drawl, and he got right up in Jensen’s face. Grin wide and blinding, hands touchy-feely and _everywhere._ “Come on, let’s have some fun, Jen.”   
  
“Lie down,” Jensen tried again, fingers wrapped around Jared’s wrist as he tugged Jared toward his bed. “C’mon, Jay.”  
  
“Mmm…” Jared’s eyes went soft and yielding, and he let Jensen drag him a foot closer. “I like it when you call me that. No--no one else…always JT, an’ I _hate_ that. Sounds like a little kid, and m’ _not_.”  
  
Jensen ignored the warm feeling curling in his belly at the insistent note in Jared’s voice. “Bed,” he persisted, his own voice breaking a bit when Jared leaned forward and snuffled right into his neck. “Right now.”  
  
“Only if you come with.”  
  
Jensen froze, felt his heart drop down to his feet and rush back up to fill his throat. “Jared,” he got out, choked, and had to close his eyes when those big hands slid around him.  
  
“S’okay…just you and me, right?” Soft brush of lips against Jensen’s ear, and then Jared’s teeth closed around the tender flesh and Jensen moaned. “Nobody else has to know, Jen. You…you want me?”  
  
It was the helpless, hopeful desire thickening Jared’s voice that tore all of his good intentions to shreds. Jensen reached up, caught one of Jared’s hands and shoved it down between them. Jared’s eyes widened at the press of dick, and Jensen murmured, “What does that feel like?”  
  
Jared’s smile was slow to come, but bright as ever. He chewed on his lip, tightening his grip and edging closer. “Like maybe you need some help gettin’ out of those pants.”  
  
“Jesus, Jared.” Jensen laughed without humor, closing his eyes again when Jared’s mouth pressed against his throat. “God, this is so…we shouldn’t be doing this.”  
  
But he was slowly backing Jared toward his bed all the same, tangling his fingers in that mess of hair and pulling until Jared’s mouth reached for his. They fell against the mattress, Jensen’s teeth snapping together on a low growl as he pinned Jared down, mouthing up and under Jared’s jaw and making Jared’s hips work in shallow bursts.  
  
He could only imagine what Jeff might be thinking downstairs… _Where’s my brother? Hey, anyone seen Jared?_  
  
Jared arched his back, keened down deep in his throat, and Jensen ground his jaw tight. Gave fucking _up_ , because this was happening. No two ways about it, he wasn’t strong enough, good enough--  
  
“Jensen.” Jared’s voice was a husky rasp that wrapped around Jensen’s ribs and squeezed. “ _Please._ Help me out here, I--”  
  
Jensen ran his fingers down around Jared’s shoulder, pulled him around. Mouth to mouth he whispered, “Got you, okay?” He waited for Jared to pull back, see the sincerity shining in Jensen’s eyes, and nod. They kissed again, harder, Jensen’s hand tight in Jared’s unruly hair. He could taste the alcohol flavoring Jared’s breath, hint of pineapple and whiskey. It gave him a second’s pause, as did the blur of want in Jared’s heavy-pupiled gaze.  
  
A heavy bass track from downstairs all but shook the bed, and Jensen sat up on unsteady elbows. Thoughts and recriminations readied to spill off his tongue, and then Jared’s brows drew together. He reached down, palmed Jensen’s dick.  
  
“Fuck me?” It came out more questioning than demanding, and Jensen sucked in a breath, couldn’t help but buck into those long fingers. Jared licked his lips, a satisfied sound deep in his throat. “C’mon, want you to. I swear, it’ll be good. I’ll be _good_ , Jensen. Anything you want, and I’ll--”  
  
“Oh god, just shut up.” Jensen sat back on his heels, rubbing his forehead and trying unsuccessfully to hide the jolt of want, of _fear_ that rushed through him at Jared’s naïve words. The kid was making it so damn easy. All but begging Jensen…hell, he _was_ begging and Jensen was anything but a saint.  
  
Apparently realizing words were working against him, Jared simply flipped back over. Buried his head in the pillow, thrust his hips out and toward Jensen and made a sound that would haunt Jensen 'til the day he died, cold in his damn jail cell.  
  
He had his fingers in the back of Jared’s jeans before he could blink, ripping denim down lean hips before Jared could let out a surprised “oooh”. He shoved Jared’s shirt up and over his head, kissing along the length of knobby spine. Savoring the tiny goosebumps prickling across Jared’s skin, and working his own pants down.  
  
“Oh god,” Jared said when Jensen finally pressed up against him. There was excitement weighing down his voice, and some other emotion Jensen was too far gone to put a name to. “Are you gonna…?”  
  
“Squeeze your legs together.” Jensen barely got it out through thick throat and tongue. “Make it tight, okay?”  
  
He half-expected Jared to argue, but he just swallowed. Nodded a little and did what Jensen asked. Jensen sucked in a breath, slid between those slim thighs and, god, pressed right up against Jared’s balls. “Feel that?” he asked, and Jared gave a dazed sound of confirmation. Jensen bent down, brushed a kiss against the back of Jared’s neck as his dick rode the shallow crease of Jared’s ass. “Not gonna fuck you, Jay…but you’re gonna feel me. You’re gonna remember.”  
  
The last words were meant more for himself, sweat stinging his eyes as Jared shifted and made everything tighter, hotter. “Jesus,” Jensen muttered, swallowing back a ragged groan that would just give too much away. He laid a palm at the small of Jared’s back, teeth catching his bottom lip as he thrust again. “Jesus, Jay, so good.”  
  
He couldn’t take his eyes off Jared’s sweet little ass, right fucking _there_ , and he’d let Jensen fuck it if he wanted to. Had all but humped himself down on Jensen’s dick, and Jensen closed his eyes. Imagined sliding into that hot little hole, fucking Jared until he couldn’t _breathe_ unless it was through Jensen.  
  
His orgasm socked him in the gut, a sudden twist low in his belly, and Jensen muffled a groan into Jared’s shoulder. Sank his teeth in, sucked blood to skin and rode against Jared’s writhing body until sweat and come warmed his stomach, his thighs.  
  
Jared was making whiny, pleading sounds under his breath-- _“Jen, Jen, Jen”_ \--and Jensen sat up on shaky knees. Pulled Jared into his arms, thighs spread wide apart. He could see Jared’s cock, big and beautiful and so fucking hard. It didn’t help that Jared was still babbling out of his mind, head turned into Jensen’s neck and mouth working in desperate fervor along Jensen’s jaw. “Please, Jen, fuck me…touch it. You can…you can suck it if you want. Just _please…_ ”  
  
His voice cracked on the last word, hips thrusting, and Jensen’s heart swelled up in his chest. He ran his hands up Jared’s thighs, pulled his knees farther apart and shushed him with a quick, sloppy kiss. “Relax, okay? It’s the drugs.” Jared made another sound, tried to suck Jensen’s tongue out through his head, and Jensen reached down. Took Jared’s cock in hand and squeezed. Jared broke away, slumping back and full-on whimpering, and Jensen’s voice went tight, low. “Yeah. Let me get you off, baby.”  
  
Jared fucked his fist, little gasping moans from deep down inside, and Jensen just watched. His fingers slipped and slid along Jared’s dick, thumbing the head, and then Jared had one of _Jensen’s_ hands. Before Jensen could think of how to react, Jared was tonguing the thick silver band around his middle finger, mouth warm and sucking, and Jensen drew out a long curse.   
  
“C’mon, Jay,” he coaxed, dropping his chin to Jared’s hair and pulling harder. “Ah, you’re so fucking close aren’t you?”  
  
His come was drying between them, sticky and still warm from the flush racing through Jared’s body. Jensen gritted his teeth, aching for that first tremor to rip through Jared, wanting to be the one to give it to him.  
  
“Oh god,” Jared finally groaned around Jensen’s fingers, and he went still for all of a second before jerking hard. He shot all over Jensen’s hand, burst everywhere like the young, juicy kid he was, and Jensen knew he shouldn’t find that as desperately hot as he did.  
  
Knew he was going to pay for this, somehow, when everything was said and done.  
  
“Yeah,” he crooned low, and pushed all the doubts and guilt away. Just kept on stroking Jared through it all, cradling him to his chest and dropping kisses against Jared’s sweaty temple. “Feel good? Better?”  
  
Jared’s response was a searching kiss, teeth snapping and tongue sloppy. Jensen tasted blood in his mouth, and let go of Jared’s cock. Grabbed him by his messy curls and shoved him back against the mattress. He fed on that pretty, sulky mouth until Jared was groaning his name like it held all the answers to questions Jensen couldn’t afford to let him ask.  
  
He wasn’t surprised when Jared passed out soon after, arm thrown across Jensen like a warm weight, and Jensen laid there for several long moments. Drinking in the tastes, scents, and the soft smile etched across Jared’s face.  
  
He slipped out of the room an hour later, and didn’t get a wink of sleep.  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
Avoiding Jared proved easier than Jensen had originally expected, and part of him--the part that apparently had yet to catch on that this whole thing was a bad, bad idea--was almost disappointed when Jeff suggested they get out on the road before Jared had woken up and poked his head out of his room.  
  
That same hopeless part dragged Jensen’s feet, making excuses for why they should wait that had everything to do with warm, hazel eyes. “A little early, don’t you think? You had a long night.”  
  
“We gotta check in by noon,” Jeff sighed, dark sunglasses hiding his gaze, but Jensen recognized all too well the effects of hard partying. Smirked a bit, imagining how hung-over his friend probably was, and just how evil it might be to insist on Jeff driving the hour and a half back to Austin. Then Jeff’s teeth flashed and he leaned closer. “Speaking of long nights, where’d _you_ disappear to?”  
  
Jensen nearly choked on a mouthful of orange juice, wiping his chin and not quite meeting Jeff’s gaze. “I, uh.”  
  
“You dirty slut.” Jeff whistled, pure admiration written across his features. “Dude, I didn’t even _invite_ anyone I thought swung that way. Wanted to lord over you for once, and you had to go and out-do me anyway. In my own home.”  
  
Jensen’s smile was as weak as his stomach. “Heh. What can I say?”  
  
Jared chose that moment to come walking in, shirtless, pajama pants slung low on his hips. He stretched his arms over his head, and Jensen stared down mutinously at the table when Jared tried to catch his eye. “Mornin’,” Jared called out, pulling open the fridge and scratching his belly. Christ, Jensen didn’t even want to think about what could’ve put that husky twist in Jared’s voice. And then he saw the bruises on Jared’s shoulder, neck.  
  
Jeff apparently didn’t notice the sudden tension thickening the air, because he leaned back in his chair and grinned wide. “Well, well. _Two_ lucky souls in the room, huh? Damn it, JT, ain’t you a bit young for Stacey? Thought she only went for the greek freaks and sugar daddies.”  
  
Jared sat across from Jensen, flashing that same stupid grin that Jeff shared, and Jensen wanted to put his eye out with a fork. Or leap across the table and molest him. “Yeah, well, I’m real cute or so’ve been told,” Jared said, low and meaningful, and Jensen’s fingers twitched.  
  
He barely heard the rest of Jared and Jeff’s good-natured ribbing, just kept seeing the moment Jared had come in his arms over and over like a broken record. Then Jeff’s trusting grin-- _“You wanna follow JT around all night, be my guest”_ \--and Jensen felt physically sick to his stomach.  
  
He muttered an apology, stood up and ignored Jared’s searching gaze as he stumbled toward the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face, heard the soft sound of the door opening, and then, “Hey.”  
  
His jaw went tight at Jared’s voice, and Jensen turned and faced him as Jared shut the door after himself. “You shouldn’t be in here,” he said stupidly, because Jared was already closing in and he looked, smelled, sleepy and warm. Too damn tempting.  
  
“Relax, Jeff’s out packing the car.” Jared’s cat-eyes were watching him with something Jensen didn’t want to think too much about because he’d just wind up in trouble for sure.   
  
“How’re you feeling?” he couldn’t help but ask, because goddamn it, he cared about the sexy little jerk-off. Much more than he should in fact, which was only driven home yet again when Jared stepped up and hooked a finger in the waistband of Jensen’s jeans.  
  
“Feel real good,” Jared murmured, eyes twinkling with mischief. “How ‘bout you?”  
  
“I…” Jensen swallowed, lashes fluttering when Jared’s hand slid lower. “Jared, wait. Wait just a second.”  
  
“Can’t, we don’t have much time.” Jared’s voice was growing excited, low and thrumming, and Jensen caught his breath. Couldn’t help but thrust his hips up against Jared’s wandering fingers. “God, Jensen…you’re so fucking perfect.” It came out wondering and full of awe, and Jensen had to laugh.  
  
“I’m really not.” He knew Jared wouldn’t understand his meaning, and ran a hand over shaggy hair. Got harder from the way Jared leaned into his touch, making growly sounds and pressing himself up against Jensen until they were backed up to the wall.  
  
“You gonna miss me?” Jared shoved his hand down Jensen’s pants, eyes lit up and feverish.   
  
“You…little fuck,” Jensen gasped, dropping his head back, eyes nearly rolling up into the back of his head when Jared’s fist tightened, twisted. “Where the hell’d you learn that?”  
  
“From you.” Jared caught Jensen’s bottom lip between his teeth, biting and sucking, and Jensen grabbed him by the hips and jerked. “Tell me this means somethin’ to you, Jen,” Jared whispered, pumping his fingers with so much earnesty that Jensen fisted his hand to his mouth and bit down.  
  
“Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.” As soon as the words came out, he knew that he’d regret them forever. But goddamn, it was the _truth_ , and he couldn’t begrudge either of them that when this was probably the last time he’d ever get to feel those hands, taste that mouth…  
  
He came with a hoarse groan and a bitten-off curse, fingering a bruise right above the cut of Jared’s hip that fit his hand perfectly. Then Jared was kissing him, rubbing against him like the horny teenager he was, and it wasn’t long before Jared was cussing, too. Burying his face in Jensen’s neck and whimpering.  
  
Surprisingly, it was Jared who pulled away first. Grabbed Jensen by the hips and said, “You’ll call me when you get back, right?”  
  
Jensen swallowed back a thousand responses, and just managed a nod. When Jared’s expression brightened, he knew it was the right answer.  
  
The drive back to UT was pretty much silent; Jensen behind the wheel and Jeff stretched out in an awkward angle, attempting to get some extra sleep. Jensen listened to Radiohead and tried to ignore the urge to pick up the phone, call the number he’d programmed in before leaving.  
  
When they got back to school, Jeff checked in with the RA and Jensen unpacked. His phone was like a coiled snake in the corner, ready to pounce if Jensen so much as brushed by. He gave it a wide berth, beyond thankful when Jeff finally reappeared, only to have his roommate collapse on his bed with no signs of getting up anytime soon.  
  
It was past dinner before Jensen heard a familiar ring. He paused the Xbox, chewing his lip and staring at the television screen until his eyes hurt. His phone went off again a minute later, then again.  
  
“Answer the fuckin’ phone,” Jeff mumbled, and Jensen started, jumping to his feet with an apology on his lips that had nothing to do with a ringing cell phone. But his friend only rolled over onto his side, snuffling into his pillow.  
  
Jensen blew out a breath, walking over and snatching his cell from the dresser. He opened his inbox, fingertips sweating.  
  
_Hey, u miss me yet?_  
  
Jensen stared at the innocent text for several moments, wiping a hand down his face and sitting on his bed. He closed his eyes, thought of Jared’s grin. His mouth, how fucking much Jensen _still_ wanted him. Jeff was snoring across the room, arm hanging off the side of the mattress and drool shining on his cheek.  
  
With shaky hands Jensen finally texted back, _I’m sorry. I just can’t._ Pressed send, and turned off his phone.


	3. Chapter 3

**there's a piece of a puzzle known as life: 3/4**  
[jensen/jared, nc-17, 26K] *notes at the end of fic  
  
  
  
 

**there's a piece of a puzzle known as life.  
by keepaofthecheez.**

  
  
  
“I don’t fucking believe it.” Jensen threw his phone across the room, falling back against the sofa with a sigh of disgust. “Not a single flight in or out of Colorado for the next _week._ ”  
  
Jeff was struggling with his bag, huffing and puffing as he tried to shove what looked suspiciously like a pair of salad tongs inside. Jensen wasn’t about to ask. “Dude, I told you. Snow sucks. Gimme a good ol’ Texas heat wave any day.”  
  
Personally, Jensen pretty much agreed. But the Ackles family always did Christmas up big at Jensen’s aunt’s house in Aspen, and thanks to a freak snowstorm that was grounding all flights “until further notice”, it looked like Jensen was gonna be stuck in Austin all by himself. Which was pretty much the definition of “suck” at the moment.  
  
Jeff grunted and managed to get his bag zipped up, then glanced over at Jensen’s sullen features. “Look, you’re more than welcome at my place. You know that.”   
  
Jensen immediately went stiff, looked away and gave the same answer he’d been giving Jeff every time his friend brought it up. “Yeah, thanks but…I’m cool here.”  
  
“Oh, come on, you’ve been putting me off for four years, dude.” Jeff’s voice was easy enough, but there was a spark of concern, curiosity, shadowing his gaze. “I don’t remember you having had such a bad time back then.”  
  
Which was actually the problem in a nutshell. Not that Jeff would ever know, because Jensen had been damn careful to never think back on what had happened between him and Jared. Hadn’t even spoken to Jeff’s little brother since leaving San Antonio, had ignored the occasional email that made its way into his inbox with variations of Jared’s name.  
  
Of course, even those had trickled off over the past several months, and Jensen refused to admit he was curious, hell, _desperate_ for news on Jared. But the only viable source was Jeff, and it was just too risky to go there. He’d made due, settled for tidbits when Jeff felt like dispensing them, and put up a brave face and moved on in the meantime.   
  
“It’s not that,” Jensen hedged, tempted by warm, dangerous memories. “I just. I don’t wanna intrude, you know? Christmas and everything.”  
  
Jeff made a sound that reminded Jensen of their new across-the-hall neighbor after Warren had consumed a few too many burritos from Taco Heaven. “Jensen. Please. My family loves you, even though you’ve shunned them with your pansy-ass excuses over and over again.”  
  
When he put it that way, yeah, Jensen felt pretty shitty.  
  
“Besides, Jared’s bringing home his boyfriend and it’ll be a huge deal…you can help me grill the poor bastard and make JT’s life a livin’ hell. It’ll be fun.” Jeff sat on his suitcase, rubbed his hands together while looking around to see if he’d forgotten anything. He apparently didn’t notice the look of abject horror on Jensen’s face, or the choking sound Jensen was pretty sure was coming from _his_ throat.  
  
“Whoa, what? Jeff, what? _Boyfriend?_ ” And that only came out half-way a squeak, so Jensen counted himself lucky.  
  
Jeff blinked, focusing on Jensen. Frowned a little. “Didn’t I tell you? I swear I told you. Or I meant to.” While Jensen was busy gaping, Jeff stood up again, hefted the bag over his shoulder. “Dude, quit fish-facing at me. Don’t tell me _you_ don’t approve or some shit.”  
  
“I just.” Jensen felt a cold sweat beading across his forehead, and tasted bile on the back of his tongue. “Jared’s _gay?_ ”  
  
“Loud and proud.” Jeff grimaced, reached out and grabbed the latest issue of _Sports Illustrated_ from off the top of the TV. “Damn. I would’ve been pissed if I’d forgotten this.” He rolled it up, shoved it in his jacket pocket. “Anyway, maybe not totally gay…I’m pretty sure he still appreciates some good T &A on occasion, the greedy bastard. But he’s wearing all this pink lately and if that doesn’t make his intentions clear, I don’t know what does.”  
  
“Jesus, Jeff.” Jensen rubbed a hand down his face. Imagined sweet, seductive Jared Padalecki coming out to his family and friends. Shacking up with some unknown, sleazy guy he probably met at a damn debate tournament or--God forbid--some sweaty football match. A wave of dizziness rushed through him, and he picked up a cushion. Contemplated smashing it against his face. “ _Jesus._ ”  
  
“So, you comin’ or not?” Jeff lifted his brows, grabbed his car keys and faced Jensen with an expression that clearly read _I am so dragging your ass with me whether you like it or not. Bitch._ To add insult to injury, he added, “I hear Warren’s planning a _fantastic_ holiday feast, if that’s more your speed, man--”   
  
“Just let me grab a bag,” Jensen muttered, brushing past his best friend and ignoring the rumble of laughter that followed.   
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
Not much had really changed since the last time Jensen’d been there, and he stood in Jeff’s parents’ kitchen and accepted hugs and warm welcome and felt like a total heel.   
  
Megan, however, had _completely_ changed, not that she seemed to adore Jensen any less. She just hid it with more grown-up grace and aplomb, a fact which Jensen teased her for mercilessly when she declined to give him a hug at first.  
  
“C’mere, little girl.” He reached out, gathered her up in his arms and heard her giggle against his shoulder. “You grew up pretty, huh?”  
  
“So did you,” was her smart reply, and Jensen shook his head in exasperation when she tossed him a wink, turning on her heel and heading out of the room.   
  
“That girl will be the death of me,” Mrs Padalecki sighed, although a twinkle in her eyes belied the words. “Well, come here and let me get a look at you, Jensen. You know, Megan’s right. I didn’t think it would be possible, but you’re even more handsome now than you were back then.”  
  
“Aw, Jeez, Mom.” Jeff gagged on a mouthful of God only knew what, and screwed his face up at Jensen. “Like the guy needs any more encouragement?”  
  
“It’s okay, ma’am.” Jensen played it up perfectly, polite voice and shy eyes. “I don’t mind being the attractive one.”  
  
A breadstick flew at his head. “Hey!” Everyone laughed, and Jensen slung an arm around Jeff’s shoulders and grinned as his friend shot dark glares around the room.  
  
After several minutes of casual conversation had passed by, Jensen felt comfortable enough to bring up the question burning on his mind. “So, uh, looks like you guys are missing one.”   
  
Since no one looked at him funny, or ran to call the cops on his cradle-robbing ass, he assumed the question came out sounding normal enough.  
  
“Yes, I just got off the phone with JT…he and Chad are about fifteen minutes away.” Mrs Padalecki wiped her hands with a paper towel, apparently not realizing she’d just put a name to Jensen’s Public Enemy #1. “Jeff, why don’t you take y’all’s bags upstairs. I’m giving Chad the guest room, so I’m afraid you and Jensen will have to bunk together.”  
  
“Oh, how will we ever survive?” Jeff deadpanned, managing to avoid the flick of his mother’s wrist. Then he snuck up behind her, dropped a kiss on the top of her head and said, “I’m glad to be home, Ma.”  
  
She was beaming by the time Jeff started up the stairs, and Jensen just smiled. Considered himself damn lucky to still be included with such ease, especially after his less-than courteous response over the past few years. But that was a Padalecki for you, as he well knew.  
  
The front door flew open, a loud voice called out, “Hello? Anybody home?” and Jensen went from comfortable to on-edge within the span of a second. He jumped up from his seat, hands forming fists at his side as footsteps came closer.  
  
“Kitchen!” Mrs Padalecki called happily, turning in time to be caught up in a whirlwind of arms and laughing eyes.   
  
Jensen stared, took in Jared’s appearance like a starving man finding oasis. He could still see the same young, innocent boy he’d known, but there were also plenty of subtle differences that went straight through him and pierced his heart. For one, Jared was no longer a lanky teenager. He’d filled out nicely, arms flexing as he lifted his mother off the floor and buried his face in her neck.  
  
“Missed you,” he whispered, and Jensen felt a pang at the hushed, sincere words. “I got your package, had maybe a taste of those cookies before the entire dorm got a hold of them and well, that was that. And I called Grandma and wished her a happy holiday, don’t think she heard me, but you know.”  
  
The familiar rapid flow of words made Jensen smile, and that was when Jared suddenly went stock-still. Turned to stare straight at Jensen. Jensen saw a million emotions flash through brown-green before a shutter came down and Jared smiled, surprised but distant. “Jensen?”  
  
“Merry Christmas,” he said, dumbly, and gave a tight little nod that Jared returned. Christ, this was awkward, and where the hell was Jeff anyway?  
  
Jared watched him for another moment, jaw working like he wanted to say something else, and then his gaze traveled past Jensen and lit up. “Hey, baby. Come on in.” He brushed past Jensen and went to a figure standing in the doorway, boxes piled in his arms and an uncertain look across his face that Jensen recognized and would’ve felt sympathy for, had Jared not greeted the guy with a kiss and reached down to squeeze his hand.  
  
“Chad, this is everybody.” Jared swept a hand around the room, including Jensen…much to his surprise. “Everybody, Chad. Be nice.”  
  
“Uh, hi.” Chad tried to wave, and Jensen decided his nose was slightly off-center and he had last year’s highlights. Which didn’t necessarily make him unattractive, but it at least made _Jensen_ feel better.  
  
Jeff came clomping down the stairs, eyes falling on the new arrival and devilish anticipation creeping across his face. “And what do we have here?”  
  
Jared sighed as if heavily put-upon. “My brother Jeff. You don’t have to listen to anything he says. Save your brain cells.”  
  
“Now, that hurts, JT.” Jeff came up to stand beside Jensen, leaned until they were shoulder to shoulder and crossed his arms. “Especially since Jensen and I came all this way just to meet your new leading man.”  
  
Jensen’s eyes flicked toward Jared, curious to see what kind of reaction Jeff’s words would produce. But Jared just smiled, albeit a little bit tighter, and Jensen chewed on the inside of his cheek and wished he had a stiff drink.  
  
“Yeah, a whole hour and a half. Congratulations.” Jared glanced toward Jensen, a bit of curiosity finally softening his features. “It’s nice to see you again. Been awhile.”  
  
“Yeah, it has.” Jensen wondered if anyone else could hear the thickness in his voice, could see the goddamn longing in his eyes. “You look good,” he blurted out, then wanted to sink through the floor. Not that anyone seemed to notice, although Jared grinned a little and laughed.  
  
“So do you. Um, I’m glad you’re here,” he said, and Jensen’s belly started to squirm. Then Jared turned toward Chad, beamed so bright it put the sun to shame. “The more the merrier, right?”  
  
Jensen excused himself when Jared leaned in again, figuring Jared had proven his point well enough.  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
That first night went better than expected. After the blatant show in the kitchen, Jared apparently calmed down and cooled off on the public displays of affection. Jensen watched him and Chad during dinner, and afterward when Mr and Mrs Padalecki excused themselves for bed and left the “young people” to their own devices.  
  
Jared and Chad sat together on the couch, Jared’s long arm wrapped around his boyfriend’s shoulder as he shouted directions at Megan on how to defeat Jeff at Gran Turismo.   
  
“Shut the hell up, JT!” Megan finally yelled after crashing her Ferrari, and she turned and tossed a handful of popcorn at Jared’s head. “You’re distracting me!”  
  
“You just suck,” Jared decided, slouching back and making faces at the back of his sister’s head. Chad appeared a bit bemused by it all, but Jensen could understand how the Padalecki clan could be a bit overwhelming at first. He wasn’t gonna hold the kid to that…much, anyway.  
  
Then he saw Jared’s hand slide up Chad’s leg, come to rest on his knee, and Jensen’s neutrality went out the fucking window. “I’ll play the winner,” he suddenly announced, wanting anything other than the opportunity to ogle Jared and his new fuck-buddy, boyfriend, _whatever_ in action.  
  
“No way,” Jeff laughed. “Dude, you’re a shark.”  
  
“Oh, what makes you so sure you’re gonna win, anyway?” Megan snapped. “Maybe _I’ll_ win, and maybe _I’ll_ wanna play Jensen!”  
  
“Oh, please. Tell me another one.”  
  
They argued back and forth for a few seconds before Jared said, “I’ll play Jensen. You two need to chill the hell out.”  
  
Jeff and Megan threw their controllers on the floor and shouted, “Fine!” Jensen half-expected them to stick their tongues out at each other, and swallowed a laugh as Megan stormed out of the room. Then caught Jared’s gaze and felt like swallowing something altogether different. _Jesus._  
  
“Well?” Jared drawled, sliding off the couch and taking Jeff’s spot on the floor. “You up for it, Ackles?”  
  
How he managed to make that sound so damn dirty and get away with it with three other people in the room, Jensen didn’t know. But he forced a smile, picked up Megan’s abandoned game controls and shrugged his shoulders. “Bring it on…JT.”  
  
Jared’s jaw worked. “First pick?”  
  
“All yours.” Jensen waved a gracious hand, teeth flashing in the darkness. He felt more than saw Jared stiffen up beside him, their shoulders pressed together as Jensen settled in more comfortably with his knees and legs crossed.  
  
Within minutes they were in full-on battle, and Jensen had to admit Jared was no amateur. Jensen was in the lead, but barely, and he could see Jared gaining on him from the toggle-screen. Bit back a curse and took a hairpin curve with tense concentration.  
  
“C’mon, baby, c’mon…” Jared was whispering, skin hot through his shirt as he leaned against Jensen in time with his car. “Oh, yeah. There it is.”  
  
Jensen’s fingers shook at the low hum, causing him to lose several important seconds as he nearly ran his car into the mountain wall. When he glanced over toward Jared, saw the hint of a smile playing along the edges of those lips, he narrowed his eyes. “Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be?” he murmured meaningfully, pressed back into Jared and licked his lips. “Well, come on then. Show me how hard you wanna play.”  
  
It was Jared’s turn to nearly run off course, and Jensen bit back a triumphant smile. Heard Jared’s quiet curse and raced across the finish line with plenty of time to spare.  
  
“And there you have it, folks,” Jeff announced to the room at large. “He’s a fucking shark, I’m tellin’ ya. You only thought you had a chance, JT.”  
  
“Better luck next time,” Jensen offered softly, looking up to meet Jared’s heavy-lidded gaze.  
  
“I don’t think so,” Jared said easily, patting Jensen on the shoulder and coming to his feet. “Anybody want a drink? M’thirsty.”  
  
Jensen watched him leave like his heels were on fire before turning and finding Chad watching him with unreadable eyes. “Wanna play?” he offered, sick, hysterical excitement racing through his veins.  
  
“I’m not big into videogames,” was Chad’s response, but it came out nice enough.   
  
“What the hell _are_ you into?” Jeff asked, and Jensen snickered at the disbelief coloring his voice.  
  
“Sports,” Jared said, coming back into the room with two Cokes in hand. He passed one to Chad and draped an arm around his shoulders. “Chad’s a basketball star back in Buffalo. S’how we met, he schooled me on the court and I was totally and completely infatuated.”  
  
“Or horny,” Jeff coughed into his hand loud enough to wake up the neighbors. Jensen cringed, and Jared grabbed for a handful of Megan’s popcorn.  
  
“Jared’s exaggerating. I’m pretty sure he let me kick his ass just to get a good look at it.” Chad grinned, and Jensen had to admit it did wonders for the guy.   
  
“Well,” Jeff said happily. “I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be sick now, so, whaddya say, Jensen? Heated pool? Skinny dipping?”  
  
Jensen choked a little. “Dude, your parents are upstairs.”  
  
“Eh, they’re on the other side of the house. Besides, this is the one and only time you’ll get to have a willing look at my tight ass. Better enjoy it.” Jeff was already pulling off his shirt, tossing it in a pile in the corner before taking off for the patio doors.  
  
“Wow, see me leap at the chance,” Jensen muttered, but after shooting another look at the Very Happy Couple, he figured there were plenty worse things than getting caught frolicking in the nude by your straight best friend’s parents.  
  
Even in Texas, the middle of December heralded a chill in the air that Jensen couldn’t deny, and he cursed Jeff’s stupid ideas before jumping headfirst into the water. He came up just in time to get clobbered over the head with a noodle and choked on chlorine before leaping at Jeff in an attempt of payback.  
  
They were both waterlogged and exhausted by the time Jeff hauled himself to the shallow end and collapsed against the stairs. “God. We _are_ getting’ old, Jen. All I want’s a glass of milk and a nap.”  
  
Jensen floated on his back, staring up at the stars twinkling like satellites. “Yeah.”  
  
“So, what’d you think?”  
  
Jensen turned his head, dropping his feet to the bottom of the pool as he met Jeff’s curious eyes. “About what?”  
  
“ _Chad_ the basketball extraordinaire,” Jeff quoted, pulling a face that let it be known he wasn’t all that impressed.   
  
Jensen dropped his gaze, watching the water ripple around him and shrugging his shoulders as a cool breeze ghosted through the air. “I dunno, man. He seems nice enough.”  
  
“Yeah. Nice. That’s the problem.” Jeff got out of the pool with a heavy sigh, grabbing for a towel and wrapping it around himself. “Fuck nice, dude…that guy’s never gonna keep up with JT. Kid’ll talk a mile around you before you realize he’s said go. Nice ain’t gonna cut it.”  
  
“Aw, look at you.” Jensen smiled a little, wading over toward the ladder. “All concerned and big-brotherly. S’real cute.”  
  
“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinkin’ the same damn thing.” Jeff wagged a finger at him, falling back in a lounge chair and shivering as the chill kicked up again. “I saw you glaring daggers at the guy all through dinner. Thought you were gonna start pelting him with rigatoni for a few minutes there.”  
  
“Was not,” Jensen murmured, but he so had been. Heat crept up his neck, and he thanked God that Jeff had left the patio lights off. Grabbed up a towel and headed for the pile of his clothes. “And it’s none of my business, anyway.”  
  
“Uh-huh. Whatever. I’m your business, and therefore so’s JT.” Jeff followed him, wet feet slicking the ground as Jensen clenched his jaw and struggled not to give into the temptation that was Jeff’s declaration. “Anyway, fine, you be the good cop. I’ll play the bad one.”  
  
“It is your calling in life,” Jensen joked, but he suddenly wasn’t feeling very funny. It didn’t help matters when he got inside and found Jared and Chad making out on the couch, all big hands and wet mouths, and Jensen muttered an apology and booked it for upstairs.  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
The next day Jensen got roped into Christmas baking. Jeff bowed out, opting instead to sit at the kitchen counter and mock Jensen’s red and green apron with the reindeer ears that Megan had insisted he wear.  
  
“Christmas spirit, Jensen.” She smirked, tossing him a rolling pin and pulling out the cookie cutters. “And red is so your color.”  
  
“Thanks, cutie pie,” Jensen flirted back, harmless and easy, and Megan flushed real pretty and thwapped him on the side as she passed by.  
  
Jensen had flour up his nose and dough in his hands when Jared made an appearance, looking too damn fine in a navy pull-over and jeans. “What’s goin’ on in here?” he asked, raising a brow at Jensen’s current state, laughter lurking in his eyes. “Aw, honey. You baked.”  
  
Jensen was a little thrown by the careless banter, and reached up to scratch his nose. Left behind another smudge of flour that had his nostrils twitching. Jared just grinned, blessing him after a three-sneeze streak and leaning against the counter to watch from under floppy bangs.  
  
“You’re a lazy bum,” he directed toward Jeff, taking in his brother’s immaculate dress and shaking his head. “Don’t worry, Jensen. You can be my best friend instead.”  
  
“Where’s the ball and chain?” Jeff drawled in reply, stretching out his legs, the picture of innocence. “He still getting some beauty sleep?” The implication being he needed it, of course, which was both ridiculous and solely meant to rile Jared up. Jensen bit back a sigh at the subtle twitch in Jared’s cheek.  
  
“I’m allowing him the courtesy of sleeping in, yeah,” Jared answered, straightening and sending _Jensen_ a dirty look, like this was all somehow his fault. Which, what the fuck? “We’ve got a lot to do today.”  
  
Megan called out from somewhere over Jensen’s shoulder, “Don’t forget my shopping list!”  
  
“Checkin’ it twice,” Jared said, tapping his nose and backing out of the room. Jensen pounded the dough a little harder, sniffling when white powder rose up and calling himself ten different kinds of fool.  
  
“Whoa, whoa, whoa…we’re not making flapjacks here.” Megan shooed him away, tossed a rag at his head and yelled at Jeff to get out of the kitchen, too.  
  
“Thank God,” Jeff said. “I didn’t drag you back home with me to see what a pretty, pretty housewife you’d make, man.”  
  
“Fuck off,” Jensen muttered, still stinging from Jared’s dismissal and wondering when he _had_ turned into a goddamn housewife. He rinsed off in the upstairs bathroom, dried his hands and pulled the door open. Only to run nearly head-on into Jared himself.  
  
“Oh. Hey.” Jensen smiled tightly, moved to brush past, find Jeff and demand they get the hell out of Dodge for a few hours. He got pulled up short instead, turned around to meet Jared’s dark, indecipherable stare. “What’s up, Jay?”  
  
“Listen, I just.” Jared scratched his head, sending Jensen a sheepish grin that matched the sudden flush creeping up his neck. _God_ , Jensen had missed that smile. That voice, and who was he even trying to kid anyway? He was sunk, desperate, frozen to the spot until Jared tugged him closer. Dropped his voice. “I just wanted to thank you, you know?”  
  
“Thank me,” Jensen echoed, staring at the dip in Jared’s mouth and trying not to do something completely stupid like…bite it.  
  
“Yeah, for helping me figure things out.” Jared’s fingers squeezed his for the barest of seconds before dropping away. “If it hadn’t been for you, I don’t think I’d’ve ever really come out and admitted the truth about myself. You really inspired me, Jensen, and I want you to know…I appreciate it, a lot.”  
  
Jensen frowned, hearing the words but not able to reconcile them with the almost painful need flashing through his veins. “Jared…” he began, voice coming out uncertain and uncomfortable, and Jared’s eyes widened. He all but jumped away from Jensen, leaving Jensen trailing off on a huff of confusion.  
  
Jared wouldn’t meet his eyes now, two flags of color burning bright in his cheeks. “I mean, I know I pushed you kinda hard back then…I’m sorry about that. You were right,” he said really fast, and Jensen’s left eye started to twitch. “About it being a bad idea. You were right?”  
  
It came out as a question. Jared’s gaze snapped up, shaky, trapping Jensen in memories of muffled heat and hushed emotion. Jensen licked his lips, saw the way Jared’s gaze dipped for the briefest of instances. Then Jared swayed forward, lids looking heavier than before, and Jensen prepared to reacquaint himself with that gorgeous mouth.  
  
“There you are.” Jeff rounded the corner, all bright smile and dimples that were fucking nothing compared to Jared’s. Jensen fell back against the wall and stared at his best friend while Jared murmured something under his breath and turned to leave. He shouldered past Jeff without a word, and Jeff blinked. “Hey, fuck you very much!”  
  
“Sorry,” Jared called over his shoulder, barely catching Jensen’s eye. “Sorry.”  
  
_Fuck._ Jensen blew out a breath, trying not to glare when he turned his gaze back to Jeff. “Yeah?”  
  
But Jeff knew him all too well and raised his brows at the bitterness Jensen couldn’t manage to swallow. “O…kay. Is everyone having their period today or something? Megan just took my head off, Jared’s got his panties in a twist…and now you.”  
  
Jensen’s jaw worked, and he shot a frustrated look back to where Jared had disappeared. “S’nothing, Jeff.”  
  
_Nothing at all._  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
Jensen slipped out some time after dinner, haunting the side porch and digging in his pocket for the pack of smokes he’d sworn to Jeff he’d given up six months ago. For the most part, he had, but then there were times…times when it was suck on a cancer stick or shoot himself in the head. So he puffed on the cigarette, fingers shaky with cold and nerves, and scuffed his toe along the bottom step where grass was edging up along the pavement.   
  
Christ, this had all been a horrible idea from the get-go. He’d known that. He should’ve stayed away; that much was made clear when Jared spent the entire evening ignoring him after their conversation in the hallway. Chad, on the other hand, had been the life of the party. Talking about his and Jared’s time at school in New York, how great and wonderful and _fantastic_ Jared was doing and how proud he was and blah blah blah.  
  
The guy had a pretty decent sense of humor, too, although a bit dry and cynical. And he couldn’t tell a damn joke to save his life, but there was a bit of charm in that. Even Jeff had seemed to warm up to him over oven-roasted potatoes and turkey loaf, and Jensen just wasn’t ready to see his best friend welcome Chad into the family with open arms. It was damn hypocritical, but as long as he had Jeff, he could still pretend there was some weird chance Jared would wizen up and realize Chad wasn’t right for him.  
  
Of course, as long as he had Jeff he could never do a thing about it if that happened, either.  
  
“You are so busted,” came a soft voice, and Jensen spun around to find Megan coming toward him. She was wrapped up in a thick, woven blanket. Hair loose and tumbling around her shoulders, big eyes and wry smile, and Jensen suddenly felt too cheap, too dirty, to be around her.  
  
“Uh,” he scrambled to his feet, nearly dropping his cigarette in an effort to hide it. He knew he had to look ridiculous, but hell. “I can explain?”  
  
Megan snorted, reaching out and planting a hand square against Jensen’s chest. A single push, and Jensen was on his ass again. “Oh, shut up. Why the hell do you think _I’m_ out here? Lemme try one of those.” She sat next to him, reaching over and plucking a slim cigarette from Jensen’s pocket. Jensen stared in something akin to horror as she stuck it between her lips, then leaned over to touch the tip to Jensen’s. “God. I fucking hate Christmas.”  
  
Despite himself, Jensen sputtered around a disbelieving laugh and flicked the sprig of holly tucked behind her ear. “Okay. Who _are_ you?”  
  
Megan stretched her legs out. “Seriously, Jensen. Don’t tell me it doesn’t piss you off, too.” She huffed, pulling the cigarette out and coughing just a little. “It’s sick, is what it is.”  
  
Jensen scratched his head, wondering if he could be arrested for watching a minor smoke up and finding it a little hilarious. “Can I buy a vowel?” He lifted his hands, dropped them back into his lap. “I’m completely lost here, Meg.”   
  
“Chad Michael Murray,” Megan drawled it out like an oath, then threw her cigarette on the ground and stomped it out in a fit of teenage frustration. “Nasty habit, Jensen. And God, all of their ‘big city plans’. None of that’s _Jared_ , you know? And yet he just sits there and lets that guy speak for him and say how it’s gonna be, and what _is_ that, Jensen?”  
  
Jensen sucked in a breath, looking sharply away. “You’re asking the wrong person, honey. It’s Jared’s life. Ain’t got nothin’ to do with me.” Same words he’d given Jeff, and yet they still rang as hollow now as they had then.   
  
“Bullshit,” was Megan’s soft reply. After a long beat of silence, she added, “You know. I always kind of…when Jared came out and told us he was gay and all?”  
  
Jensen swung his gaze back to hers, half-afraid to hear anymore.  
  
“I kind of always hoped, maybe it’d be you. Isn’t that silly?” Megan sighed, leaning back and staring up at the sky. “I mean, you guys barely know each other…hell, _we_ barely know each other. Just doesn’t really feel that way.”  
  
Jensen’s jaw worked, throat clogged thick and tight. When it came, his voice was a mixture of pitiful sarcasm that fell just a little too flat. “So silly. How old are you again, baby doll?  
  
Megan clucked her tongue and slugged him in the shoulder. “Old enough to see you’re just as mad about this as I am. Don’t deny it.”  
  
“I’m not,” Jensen said truthfully. “ _Mad._ ” His brows drew together, lips curving into a frown as he stared at the cigarette hanging from between his fingers. “I’m not mad.”  
  
“Then what are you?”  
  
Jensen’s neck nearly snapped in two as he turned to see Jared standing there, half-hidden by the shadows. Gaze burning bright as diamonds. “Jared,” he said stupidly, noting Megan going stiff by his side. “Hey, we were just--”  
  
“Yeah, I got it, thanks.” Jared’s voice rang out, cold and like a stranger’s. He held Jensen’s helpless gaze for all of a minute before looking toward Megan. “Do me a favor, and don’t.”  
  
“Shit,” Megan muttered when he stormed off, but her voice shook on the word. “I-I better go after him. He’s been in a bad mood since he got here, and I just--”  
  
“No, I’ll do it.” Jensen stood up and dropped his cigarette, squishing the filter with his toe and sending Megan a reassuring smile that didn’t calm _him_ down one bit. “It’ll be fine, honey. I doubt it’s got anything to do with you, okay?”  
  
He left her sitting on the porch, pulse a rapid drum in his chest as he headed off in the direction Jared had taken. Words sprang to his tongue, apologies, regrets, and then he saw the pool house light and was assaulted with different phrases, snatches of memory.  
  
_“Not your fault, I’m real cute.”_  
  
He rounded the corner, saw Jared leaning against the side of the pool house and gripping the stone mortar so hard Jensen imagined it cracking between his fingers. He could tell the instant Jared realized he was there, but Jared didn’t make a move toward or away.  
  
Jensen stood there a beat, then sighed. “Look, I’m sorry if you thought…Megan was just runnin’ her mouth. She’s fourteen and worried, nothin’ more than that, Jared.”  
  
Jared’s knuckles went white. “What’re you even doing here, Jensen?” he demanded, voice sounding raw, unused. He turned just a little, just enough so that Jensen could see the anger and frustration coloring his face. Could feel it all just a little bit deeper. “You haven’t bothered showing up in…” He trailed off, gritting his teeth together. “This is all so you and Jeff can have a laugh at my expense or some shit.”  
  
“Is that what this is about? Because Jeff mocked your boyfriend?” Jensen didn’t mean for it to sound so condescending, but he was run ragged, confused, _hungry_ and Jared was right _there_ and yet so far away Jensen couldn’t touch.  
  
“No, it’s because you weren’t here!” It exploded out of Jared’s mouth, his eyes wide and dilated, and Jensen took an instinctive step back just as Jared pressed closer. “You weren’t fucking _here_ , Jensen, so shut up!”  
  
“I’m here now,” Jensen said, soft and inviting, wanting so badly to reach out and smooth away the frustrated wrinkle in Jared’s brow. Mouth along that hard, stubborn jaw until it softened and responded. “You wanna punish me for caring enough to back off, Jay? Go ahead then, I won’t stop you.”  
  
Jared’s eyes gleamed in the dark; their breathing was a harsh melody of suppressed anger and helpless connection. One minute Jensen was standing there, waiting for Jared to throw a punch, storm away, _anything_ , and the next he was on his knees on the cold, stone tile and pressing his cheek to Jared’s thigh.  
  
“God, please, suck me,” Jared hissed, big hands cupping Jensen’s cheeks and fingers brushing over the swell of Jensen’s mouth. “Please, Jen, your lips are so… _wanna feel ‘em_.”  
  
It was like being catapulted back four years, back to a warm bed and hot sex, and Jensen was lost. Had been the first moment he’d looked up and found Jared staring back at him. On a low groan, he turned his head, hands trailing up the backs of Jared’s thighs. Jared stood straight, stiff, soft oaths burning his tongue when Jensen’s hands found the curve of his ass. Squeezed.   
  
“Don’t fucking tease me.” Gruff, tight, and Jared thrust his hips, let denim drag rough across Jensen’s lips. “Suck my dick.”  
  
The clipped tone shot a pang through Jensen, so at odds with the sweet pleading from moments before. But Jared was so heavy and hard, so fucking _ready_ to be blown by _Jensen_ , and Jensen wasn’t any stronger now than he’d been years before. He hooked his fingers in the waist of Jared’s jeans, pulled hard, and then Jared was against his lips. Hot, wet, full on aching for everything Jensen wanted to give him.  
  
That first taste brought a groan to both of their lips, and Jensen looked up from under his lashes to find Jared staring down at him. Mouth pressed together, eyes dark and slitted. And yet, the flush across his cheeks was so pretty and youthful, made Jensen’s pulse thicken up. He caught Jared by the hips, opened his mouth and pressed a sucking kiss against Jared’s cock.  
  
Jared’s breath hitched, his fingers shaky as he dragged them through the short tufts of Jensen’s hair. “Oh,” he muttered between his teeth, Jensen’s mouth hard at work. “Fuck, Jen.”  
  
Jensen closed his eyes, let Jared’s throaty encouragement wrap around him, and sank into the task of licking Jared’s cock. There was almost too much of him, and not enough, and Jensen shifted on his knees and opened his throat wide.  
  
“Oh, you’re so pretty like that.” It rose up on a sob, Jared’s legs spreading apart to give Jensen more room. His chest rose and fell with each sweep of Jensen’s tongue, hands and fingers softening in Jensen’s hair, around his neck. A quiet keening took up in the back of Jared’s throat, his hips fucking past Jensen’s lips, and soon Jensen tasted thick heat, a warning. Jared seemed dazed, almost sleepy when he murmured, “Hey, I’m gonna come.”  
  
Jensen pulled off, jacking Jared’s cock and gazing up at the curve of Jared’s neck. The tilt of his open mouth. “Then do it,” he said, soft and steady. Sucked Jared all the way down and held his gaze until Jared’s warm come was trickling down his throat. A part of Jensen still waited to be struck down by some heavenly fire; for taking what was forbidden in the first place, and now taking it away from someone else.  
  
Chad was a good guy, loved Jared. And here Jensen was, the villain of the piece on his knees sucking cock and swallowing Jared’s come like it’d somehow force a bind between them no one else could break.  
  
As if on cue, Jared froze. Breath caught up in his chest and palms laid flat against Jensen’s shoulders. “That was, um.” His cheeks pinkened more in the moonlight, a flash of guilt sweeping across his features and twisting in Jensen’s belly. “Oh god.”  
  
Jensen wanted to grind his teeth together, shake them _both_ because fuck, this was good. This was perfect, and right, and how it should be. But instead he found himself backing away, avoiding the horror in those brown-green eyes and giving Jared a way out. “S’okay…heat of the moment. Didn’t mean anything.”  
  
Jared was silent for several long seconds, and Jensen heard crickets chirping in tandem with the erratic thrum of his heart. “Course it didn’t,” Jared finally said, and Jensen figured he was only imagining the hurt layering the words. “Yeah, it didn’t.”  
  
Jensen watched him bend over, tug his pants back up his hips and move past. Just as he made to round the corner, Jared paused. Turned back around. “Please, I.” His throat worked, features unfamiliar and _afraid._ His voice dropped a few notches, shuddering along Jensen’s skin like goosebumps. “Please, Jen. Don’t say anything. Okay?”  
  
He was gone before Jensen could string two words together. He sat there, knees aching and cold, and finally came to shaky feet and wiped the back of his mouth. Resisted the urge to bang his head repeatedly against the wall, drive his fist through it. “Fuck.”  
  
He went straight to Jeff’s bedroom, did not pass go, did not collect two hundred dollars, and was glad to find his best friend already asleep and none the wiser to Jensen’s after-hours activities. Jensen managed to toss and turn for an hour before he got up under the pretense of taking a piss.  
  
As he passed by the big bay window, he caught a flash out of the corner of his eye. Pulled back and stared down to find a familiar figure swimming laps in the pool, heated and rushed and obviously looking to burn off a head full of steam. Jensen’s jaw began to ache, and he turned back toward the hall and locked himself in the bathroom until he guessed he could leave the room without running right back to Jared.  
  
He wasn’t aware of how long he huddled there, but by the time he stepped out again, there were wet footprints on the carpet and the scent of chlorine filled Jensen’s nose. He didn’t dare take a peek into Jared’s room as he walked by, but paused when he realized the guest room door was cracked open.  
  
He heard the mattress shift, a soft, “Hey, you.”  
  
“Jared? What’re you doing? Time is it?” Chad’s voice came out sleepy and confused, muffled by the sound of wet kissing that made Jensen flinch in on himself.   
  
“Shh…just missed you,” Jared was saying between licks at Chad’s mouth. Bed springs squeaked, followed by a moan Jensen didn’t want to recognize, and he looked away, refused to give into the stinging behind his eyes. It didn’t stop the play of images through his mind, Jared’s lanky muscles flexing, hips grinding down against Chad’s.   
  
“God, that’s it, yeah…feels so good.”  
  
Jensen licked his lips, tasted bitter musk, _Jared_ , and pushed off of the wall without looking back.


	4. Chapter 4

**there's a piece of a puzzle known as life: 4/4**  
[jensen/jared, nc-17, 26K] *notes at the end of fic  
  
[ Part 1](http://keepaofthecheez.livejournal.com/403249.html#cutid1) | [ Part 2](http://keepaofthecheez.livejournal.com/403615.html#cutid1) | [ Part 3](http://keepaofthecheez.livejournal.com/403795.html#cutid1) | Part 4 & Acknowledgments  
  
  
  
  
 

**there's a piece of a puzzle known as life.  
by keepaofthecheez.**

  
  
  
Jensen called his parents on Christmas Eve, told them he loved them, missed them, and lied about what a holly jolly time he was having at his pal’s house in San Antone. The day passed by quickly enough, and he didn’t catch much more than a glimpse of Jared the entire time. But at least they were now avoiding _each other_.  
  
Evening rolled around and the Padalecki clan began to primp and prepare for midnight mass. Jensen begged off with a headache, feigning severe disappointment as Mrs Padalecki fussed over him and Jeff rolled his eyes and made rude gestures Jensen couldn’t return.  
  
There was an awkward moment when he was heading upstairs to faceplant on the bed and sleep, preferably until it was time to go back to Austin, and turned the corner just as Jared was coming out of his room. They stared at one another, then Jared shook his head and cleared his throat.  
  
“Um, I gotta…” He tugged at the tie wrapped around his neck, biting his lip and running a hand through his slicked-back hair. Jensen just nodded, flexing his fingers to keep from reaching out, dragging him over by the end of his tie and tousling him all up again.  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen said, and he turned and beat a hasty retreat. Felt the weight of a gaze following him, but when he looked, the hallway was empty. He waited until he heard the door slamming, taking loud, laughing voices with it, and then peeked his head out. Silence, and he blew out a breath and started for the downstairs den with the idea of maybe losing himself in _A Charlie Brown Christmas_ or something equally nostalgic and mind-numbing.  
  
He wasn’t expecting to find Chad already lying length-wise along the couch, watching a reality show Jensen didn’t recognize and munching on a handful of cheddar cheese chips. He glanced up when Jensen’s figure darkened the doorway, and Jensen searched for a friendly tone. Tried for a smile. “Hey, sorry, thought I was by myself, man.”  
  
“Yeah. I didn’t go, either,” Chad said unnecessarily, swinging his legs around and sitting up to offer Jensen the bowl of chips. “Faked an upset stomach…I like Jared’s family and all, but I just.” Heat bloomed across his features, and Jensen understood it all too well.  
  
“I get it. Everyone needs a break.” He hesitated, then stepped forward and bit back a sigh, sitting down next to Chad. He shook his head when Chad offered the bowl, hands balanced on his knees as he stared straight ahead at the television and tried not to remember what Jared’s cock tasted like.  
  
There was a few awkward beats, and then Chad cleared his throat. “So, how long have you known JT?”  
  
_God, I should’ve just stayed in Jeff’s room._ Jensen’s mouth twitched. “A few years. I mean, I’ve known Jeff so long it all kinda blends together after awhile.”  
  
“Right, right. Yeah, JT told me how you guys met, how you…helped him out. He really looks up to you, is all.”  
  
Jensen’s smile began to hurt. “Well, isn’t that great.” He grabbed a handful of chips after all just to keep from strangling Chad by his inquisitive neck, because whether Jensen liked him or not, it wasn’t his goddamn fault. And yet, Jensen wanted to know just _exactly_ what Jared had told him, too. Which was treading into dangerous waters he had no business navigating.  
  
“I like Jared a lot,” Chad kept on, unaware of the way Jensen’s teeth were gnashing, “but, I dunno. Sometimes it’s like he’s not really all there…with me, I mean. Like this whole move to New York. He acts like he’s loving it, then we get _here_ and it’s just obvious that…”  
  
“What?”  
  
“That he misses it.” Chad’s gaze narrowed in on him, on the quick reply. “But he’d tell me, right? He doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy to really bury his feelings.”  
  
Jensen had to laugh at that. “Yeah, no. He’s _really_ not.”  
  
“Maybe you could feel him out some. Maybe he’d just be more comfortable opening up to someone that wasn’t sleeping with him every night. An old friend or whatever.”  
  
“I’m not really the best candidate for that,” Jensen said slowly. “Me and Jay…er, JT, we don’t see eye to eye on much lately.” _Except for how much we wanna fuck each other silly. That hasn’t changed much._  
  
“I just thought you guys were pretty close.” Chad’s voice took on an edge that made Jensen sit up, take notice. “He talks about you a lot. Even when we’re alone sometimes, he’ll--”  
  
“Yeah, you know? My head’s kinda starting to hurt again. I’m sorry.” Jensen stood up and sent Chad a smile that didn’t reach his eyes before leaving the room. He wasn’t really sure what Chad was going for or trying to prove, but he didn’t really need the goddamn images the guy’s words provoked. Not when he’d already seen it all for himself.  
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
Jensen was woken up in the middle of the night by a heavy hand shaking his shoulder, and let out a sleepy sound while rolling over. He came face to face with Jeff’s grinning face, and groaned. Pressed his face back into the pillow. “Oh, Auntie Em. Go back to bed.”  
  
“Cool it, Dorothy. Come with me.” Jeff pulled on his arm until Jensen slid out of the sheets, grumbling all the way and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “And Merry Christmas, by the way.”  
  
“Mmm.” Jensen yawned, nearly cracking his jaw in half. “Whas’ this about, man?”  
  
Jeff’s grin continued to light up his features, pulling an answering smile from Jensen as they padded down the hall. “Young Padalecki tradition. Started back when me and JT were kids…we’d sneak outside, hang out in the old tree house and exchange gifts after midnight.”  
  
“Jeff, that’s so…” Jensen bit his lip, unable to even come up with a sarcastic reply. “…fucking adorable, and I kind of hate you for it.”  
  
“Bite me,” came Jeff’s cheerful reply, and Jensen chuckled. “Anyway, the tree house is long gone, but Meg found this place down by the creek. We’ve been meeting there ever since, and, well, now it’s your turn.”  
  
“Case you haven’t noticed?” Jensen grabbed his jacket and followed Jeff out of the front door. “I’m not exactly a Padalecki.”  
  
“Hey, you’re a constant pain in my ass. You might as well be.” Jeff looped an arm around Jensen’s shoulders, squeezed tight. Jensen’s breath hitched in his chest, and it was only because he was half-asleep and sort of cold.  
  
It was a quiet night, and Jensen burrowed his hands down in the pockets of his jacket and turned his face up to the sky. “Wonder what this all looks like under the big city lights of New York.”  
  
Jeff raised his brows. “You’ll have to ask Jared. Although, I kinda always thought you’d want to find out for yourself, actually.”  
  
Jensen stayed silent for a moment, thinking back to all of the plans he’d had back when he first met Jeff. Get out west, go up north. Make it big and leave the little people behind. “Yeah. Maybe not so much.”  
  
“You’ve changed,” Jeff said, surprise gentling the accusation. “Anything I should know about?”  
  
Jensen laughed a little. _If you only did._ “Wisdom comes with age, my friend. What can I say?”  
  
They passed by a small, trickling creek and Jensen saw the first flash of light. As they got closer, he recognized the two figures huddled around a water cooler and having some kind of flashlight war. Jeff whistled, and the two beams intersected, nearly blinding Jensen as he brought a hand up to shield his eyes.  
  
“ _Finally_ ,” Megan said, rubbing her hands together and scooting over to let Jensen slide in beside her. “What took y’all so long?”  
  
“Jensen sleeps like the living dead.” Jeff moved in beside Jared and reached out to snag the bag of marshmallows Jared was snacking on. “Nice. Thanks.”  
  
“Jerk.” But Jared sounded happy, even offered Jensen a small smile when their eyes met.  
  
“Hey, where’s Chad?” Jensen asked, because damn it, he could be a bigger person. When Jared’s gaze dimmed a little and Megan coughed into her hand, Jensen sent Jeff a questioning look. His best friend shrugged, looking nonplussed as he shoved another marshmallow in his mouth.  
  
“He’s still sleeping,” Jared finally said, picking up a stick and tracing circles in the dirt. “Anyway, this is kind of private or whatever.”  
  
Before Jensen could figure out how to react to _that_ , or to the almost challenging look Jared slanted him, Megan clapped her hands together. “Okay, okay. _So._ I’m going first because last year Jeff _cheated_ \--”  
  
“I never cheat, you’ve just got no appreciation for my kind of…flair,” Jeff decided, ignoring Jared’s derisive snort. “And Jensen should go first, you little drama queen.”   
  
But Megan was already opening the water cooler, digging around inside. “Jensen can’t go first, he didn’t even _know_ about this. Moron.” Her expression brightened and she pulled out a small package, tossed it in Jensen’s lap. “Merry Christmas, Jensen!”  
  
“Uh.” Jensen looked down at the gift, feeling a stupid flush working its way up and under his collar. He unwrapped the package, finding a small photo album underneath. “Wow, you really shouldn’t have.”  
  
“You have no idea how true that probably is,” Jared muttered, and was treated to a series of loud smacks from his younger sister.  
  
“If those are naked pictures, I’m going to throw up. I swear to God.”  
  
“ _Grow_ up,” Megan snapped at Jeff, coming over to stand beside Jensen. She flipped open the book, and Jensen stared at a photo of him and Megan from her birthday party during the Spring Break trip. “I still have that stupid headband, you know.”  
  
Jensen laughed. “You look like a little pink tornado,” he said, tracing the picture and aching just a little at the grins on their faces, flipping through and seeing several more. Him and Jeff, goofing off by the pool. Jared making ridiculous Zoolander faces to the camera. “God, these are great. Thank you, Megan.”  
  
“Just in case you ever forget about us,” Meg said, leaving off the implied _again._ But the words were soft, sweet, and something warm and wet pressed up against Jensen’s eyelids.  
  
“I’d like to see anyone try and forget you,” he said, sliding an arm around her shoulders and pulling her up against his side. He pressed his lips to hers, loud and smacking. Then let out a regretful sigh. “If only you were a few years older.”  
  
“And had a dick?” she cracked, making Jared choke and Jeff groan. “What? I can say _dick._ ”  
  
“Uh, not around me you can’t. You don’t know what one of those are, you’re five years old.” Jeff scrambled for the water cooler, his face red. He thrust something into Megan’s lap. “Now shut up and open your present.”  
  
“Loser.” But the minute she opened the gift and saw what was inside, her eyes got big and she threw herself at Jeff, knocking him to the ground. “Oh my god, seriously? Thank you, thank you, _thank you._ ”  
  
Jensen couldn’t help but lean over to look, caught sight of the pair of car keys and raised surprised brows in his friend’s direction. “Whoa, dude.”  
  
“S’not that big a deal.” But Jeff was grinning from ear to ear, patting Megan on the back as she squealed in his arms. “It’s just this little Firebird I had back in high school…was savin’ it for JT, but he went and got delusions of grandeur on me. Figured since I’ve got the Camry now, I’d pass the ‘bird onto a worthy owner. Course, you’ve got another two years to go, so don’t screw it up.”  
  
“I could kiss you right now, but I just promised myself I’d never let these lips touch anything ever again after Jensen.” Megan beamed at him, grabbing the keys and staring at them with all the excitement of a teenager about to experience an all new kind of freedom.  
  
“Do Mom and Dad know about this?” Jared asked, but he was smiling, too.  
  
“Duh.” Jeff leaned back, blew on his nails and sent Jared a look that said _top that._ “Who do you think’s gonna be paying the insurance?”  
  
“You’re all heart, big brother.”  
  
The rest of the night passed in a swirl of gifts, jokes, and Megan reminding them all that now that she had a car, they were totally going to have to pay her to keep hanging out with them. When this ended in her getting pelted by a shower of marshmallows and running shrieking from the woods, Jensen stood up and brushed off the seat of his pants.  
  
The sky was beginning to lighten from deep black to gray, and Jeff took off after Megan with words of sleep on his tongue. Jensen looked at Jared, shrugged and grabbed one end of the water cooler.  
  
“Thanks,” Jared said quietly, even though the thing was light enough that one person could easily carry it. “It’s my year for clean-up, you don’t have to stick around.” He waved toward the littering of wrapping paper and bows. “Go on ahead if you want.”  
  
“It’s cool.” Jensen knew it was a horrible decision, but hell. Jared looked so gorgeous, windblown and pink. His fate was already decided for him. “With two people it’ll go quicker, right?”  
  
Jared bit his lip and didn’t answer. Just bent down and started gathering the trash, and Jensen watched him for a second before picking up the bag of marshmallows Jeff had emptied. “So, you guys have a fun tradition,” he finally said, glancing quickly over at Jared. “My family…we just sleep in late and then go to IHOP.”  
  
“Strawberry crepes are pretty fun, too.” Jared smiled, caught his gaze for a quick flicker of time. “Sorry I didn’t get you anything, I mean. I didn’t know you were coming in, or I would’ve--” He waved a helpless hand, trailing off.  
  
“What? Oh no, it’s fine. God.” Jensen laughed a little. “I’m not all that big on presents, anyway.”  
  
“Seriously? Huh.” Jared stood up, grunting a little as he stretched his back from side to side. Then looked straight at Jensen, walking forward. “I kind of think they’re pretty awesome, myself.”  
  
“Yeah, sometimes.” Jensen watched him with jittery excitement, licking his lips and seeing Jared’s gaze follow. It was all too easy to reach out, grab Jared by the collar and press him up against a nearby tree. “So, what would you’ve given me?”  
  
Jared huffed out a laugh, nose brushing Jensen’s as his lids fluttered, then rose to reveal glittering hazel eyes. “Something I shouldn’t.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jensen’s voice fell. “That makes two of us.”  
  
Their mouths met on a hungry sound, tongues slick and searching. Jared’s hand pressed tight to the small of Jensen’s back, pulling him in closer as he opened his legs to fit against him. His husky groan ripped through Jensen like a gunshot, left him ragged and on edge.   
  
It was over as soon as it began, and Jensen stumbled back, staring at Jared’s flushed face and rubbing a hand over his mouth. “Fuck.”  
  
Jared’s voice was low, tight, and just as frustrated as Jensen’s. “Yeah.” He bent and picked up the cooler. “Pretty much.”  
  
Jensen followed him back to the house, careful to keep his distance, and spent the entire time staring at Jared’s ass and thinking of how much trouble they both were really in.   
  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
  
As luck would have it, or not in Jensen’s case, he wound up next to Jared at the Padalecki Christmas dinner. He could’ve sworn Megan winked at him as he took his seat, but then she was arguing with Jeff over the merit of egg nog versus apple cider, and Jensen chalked it up to wishful thinking. The hopeless idea that Jared’s family would somehow approve of him completely corrupting their golden boy.  
  
Chad was sitting across from him, and Jensen glimpsed the dark circles under the guy’s eyes and felt several shades of jackass. Jared was abnormally quiet beside him, picking at his food and mumbling short replies to anyone who made the mistake of speaking to him. Thankfully, no one really seemed to notice or comment on it, which was good because Jensen wasn’t sure he could handle listening to Jared make up some excuse as to the reason behind his sullen mood.  
  
It was toward the end of the meal when Jensen felt something brush against his foot. He shifted a little, carefully not looking at Jared as he complimented Mrs Padalecki on her green bean casserole. Then it happened again, and Jensen almost swallowed his tongue when Jared’s ankle wrapped around his.  
  
“What’re you--” he choked out before thinking better of it, glancing over to find Jared’s eyes gleaming back.  
  
“More bread?” Jared asked easily, leaning over and dropping a roll on Jensen’s plate. When he pulled back, he dropped a hand under the table against his thigh. Spread his legs until they pressed tight against Jensen’s, a finger stroking the edge of Jensen’s pants.  
  
“Uh, thanks.” Jensen picked up a glass of wine, took a long sip. He let Jared play for a few minutes, then reached down and laid a hand over his. He felt more than heard Jared’s sharp intake of breath, then gritted his teeth together and dragged Jared’s palm up and over the ridge of his cock.  
  
Jared relaxed, fingers curling, stroking, and Jensen widened his legs and drank some more. This was so, so wrong…and judging by Jared’s quickened breathing, he knew it, too. Still, neither one of them stopped. Jared licked his lips, looking flushed and feverish as he dragged his thumb across the head of Jensen’s dick, covering up a low sound with a cough.  
  
Just as Jensen’s hips flexed and he was trying to decide if it was worth it to come all over himself at the dinner table with Jared’s fucking _parents_ right there, Jared pushed back in his chair. Muttered something that sounded like an excuse to Jensen’s ringing ears, and disappeared from the room. Jensen raised his fork with shaky fingers, not even tasting the honeyed ham on the end of it, and then saw Chad get up, too. Follow Jared out of the dining room, and Jensen’s belly clenched tight.  
  
“Dude, are you about to be sick? You kinda chugged that Chianti.” Jeff’s concerned question snapped Jensen’s attention, and he dropped the fork with a loud clatter.  
  
“No, I’m fine,” Jensen lied. “Just a little warm, is all.”  
  
“Told you it wasn’t cold enough for a fire.” Megan said. “No one ever listens to me.”  
  
“It’s atmospheric,” someone answered; Jensen wasn’t really sure who because all he could concentrate on was the low thrum of voices coming from somewhere in the house behind him. He glanced around the table, but no one else was frowning or looking the least bit concerned.  
  
The phone rang, and Mr and Mrs Padalecki argued over answering it during a holiday meal. During the distraction that followed, Jeff caught Jensen’s eye and motioned to meet him upstairs, so Jensen downed the rest of his wine and stumbled up the stairs after his friend.  
  
“Okay, what the hell was _that_ about?” Jeff demanded without preamble, turning around to stare at Jensen the minute the bedroom door closed after them. Jensen was ready to throw himself to the ground, beg forgiveness, and he might possibly be the _slightest_ bit drunk, but then Jeff continued, “Did you see the happy couple? Jared looked ready to shoot someone.”  
  
Any other time, Jensen would’ve made a comment about the sheer fucking _glee_ radiating from Jeff’s features. Hell, he couldn’t resist this time, either. “I thought you liked Chad now.”  
  
“Sure, I like him. And Jared should dump his ass as soon as possible.”  
  
Jensen groaned, dizzy with guilt and alcohol and unleashed horniness. “God, Jeff, you’re such a fucking gossip girl.” He crawled onto the pullout, laid facedown and tried to ignore the urgent twitch of his dick. “G’night.”  
  
“Fine, you friggin’ light-weight. I’ll just go investigate myself.”  
  
Jensen grunted a reply, reaching down between the bed and himself to press his hand against his cock. “Lock the door, if ya don’ mind.”  
  
“Gross,” was all Jeff said, but he snickered and did as Jensen asked. Jensen didn’t waste any time shimmying out of his pants, biting his lip and thrusting against his fist while imagining Jared’s big hands all over him instead. _Christ._  
  
The sound of a door slamming echoed down the hall, and Jensen came with a loud groan, stifled against his bicep as he bit down and humped his own hand. Heavy footsteps paused by Jeff’s door, and he lied there panting, then sat up. Grabbed a handful of tissues from the nightstand and wiped himself clean before tugging his pants back up.  
  
Someone knocked on the door, soft and uncertain. The room smelled like sweat and spunk, and Jensen just wanted to crawl under the blankets and never come out again. Instead, he walked over and opened the door to find Jared standing there. He blinked, leaning against the doorframe.   
  
“Can I talk to you?”  
  
“Right now?” Jensen looked over at his shoulder, saw the clump of used tissues scattered across the nightstand. “Um.”  
  
Jared didn’t seem to notice his embarrassed flush. “In my room. C’mon.” He took off without waiting to see if Jensen would follow, but of course Jensen did. Because he was clearly insane, and totally drunk, and Jared was really, really adorable and hot and sexy and everything Jensen had ever wanted.  
  
He found Jared sitting on his bed, head in his hands, and debated on the wisdom of shutting the door. Then Jared looked up, and Jensen caught sight of the redness in his eyes. Immediately walked over, sat down next to him. “Hey.”  
  
Jared’s jaw worked, then _he_ got up and walked over to the door. Shut it, and Jensen heard the lock click in place. Jensen shifted his weight, trying to figure out what to say as Jared walked back over toward him. Couldn’t have gotten anything out anyway, because the next instant he was on his back and Jared was trying to swallow his tongue.  
  
“Fuck this,” Jared groaned against his neck, licking, biting, and Jensen’s lashes fluttered when his hand slid down to Jensen’s groin. “Take these off.”  
  
“Whoa.” Jensen caught his breath, head spinning, and then Jared lifted his gaze. “Jared.”  
  
Jared slid off of him, fingers shaking as he fumbled with his belt. Tongue between his teeth, eyes heavy on Jensen, he shoved his pants down his hips and Jensen’s blood rushed at the sight of that hard, gorgeous cock. Then Jared was in his lap, and Jensen was jerking his shirt over his head and sucking a bruise to Jared’s collarbone.  
  
“Jesus,” Jared gasped, reaching blindly for Jensen’s hand. He held Jensen’s gaze, sucking two fingers into his mouth. Jensen bucked his hips, groaned long and low when Jared let his hand loose again and shoved it between his legs. Muttered, “Fuck me.”  
  
Jensen fingered Jared’s crack and felt Jared press down against him. Stared up at the determined, excited flush coloring Jared’s features. The glazed look in his eyes, and let Jared fuck down onto his hand. “Oh, baby. You…”  
  
“Feels good.” Jared rolled his neck, hair falling across his brow and half-hiding his gaze. “More.”  
  
“We can’t keep doin’ this.” Jensen’s breath hitched, broke at the end, fingers twisting.   
  
“Harder,” was all Jared said, face buried now in Jensen’s neck and tongue working his pulse-point. Low whine, and then, “It doesn’t mean anything, right?”  
  
“Fuck you, it does.” Jensen’s fingers curled, free hand pulling Jared up close by the hips. He hissed it against shaggy curls, throat full. “Goddamn it, you know it does.”  
  
“Jen,” Jared gasped, grinding down against him, nose brushing Jensen’s neck. “Oh god, please. Want you so fucking much.”  
  
“Do you?” Jensen’s hand slid, up Jared’s back and around his neck, sank into shaggy curls and anchored them both. “Or are you still just getting’ me back, Jay? Provin’ what I lost?”  
  
He tempered his words with wet, slow kisses, fucking and stretching Jared open until he felt the little quakes deep down inside. Wanted to soothe them with his dick, pull Jared across his lap and screw him silly until none of it mattered anymore, nothing but _them._  
  
Jared didn’t answer him, just rode Jensen’s hand and rolled his hips, chewing his lips and making the sweetest little sounds Jensen’d ever heard.  
  
“He do this to you?” Jensen couldn’t help but break, pressing deep and rubbing where it made Jared flinch, Rock his hips and cuss, filthy low. “Make you this hot?”  
  
Jared pulled back, eyes dark. Shiny. Truthful. “N-No. No, Jensen, never.”  
  
“God.” Jensen’s voice went tight; he jerked his fingers free and barely caught Jared by the hips. “I’m not gonna do this, not to you.”  
  
“Why the fuck not?” Jared all but shouted it, voice thick and helpless, and Jensen’s heart thudded crazily. “Why’m I…not ever good enough. For you?” He bit Jensen’s chin, breath hot and too fast. “Why is this so damn easy for you to turn away from?”  
  
“Jared,” Jensen started slowly, sobriety making a quick appearance as he glimpsed the unchecked tears in Jared’s voice, eyes. “Please, I just…I’m trying to do the right thing here. Be a better person and--”  
  
“I don’t want you to be a better person! I want--” Jared’s voice cracked, he reached down and grabbed his cock tight. Jacked it once, twice, slow and steady. “I want you to look at me and, and. Fucking _want,_ Jensen. Do anything.”  
  
_I do,_ Jensen thought desperately. “Jared,” he tried again, aching a little inside.   
  
“Shut up. Just shut the fuck up.” Jared slid off of him, panting and sounding close to outright sobbing. “I’m such a stupid ass, I swear to God.”  
  
“You’re not.” Jensen sat up, wanting to press his forehead against the sweaty sheen covering Jared’s back. Smooth out the tense set of his spine with hands and lips. “You’re not, but Jesus, Jared…I _can’t_. You’re with somebody and I won’t let you be that guy, okay?” _Not again._  
  
“Yeah.” Jared let out a hollow laugh. “At least this time you’ve got a convenient excuse, right?”  
  
Jensen dropped his hand, stung and sick. “That’s not fair.”  
  
“You’re right, it’s not.” Jared turned to look at him, jaw hard and eyes wet. “None of this has been fucking _fair._ And yet, here we are.” He stood up, grabbed his pants and shoved a foot inside a leg. “Hey, at least this time I’ll know not to wait around for a fucking phone call.”  
  
Jensen’s own anger began to escalate. “Oh, and that’s just it, huh? Fine. You got all the answers, Jay, you don’t need me to say a damn word. Hey, it’s not like what we did was fucking illegal, could’ve hurt a lot of people if it got out, right? Not like the same won’t still happen _now_ , but by all means…let’s make this about your fucking insecurities.”  
  
Jared spun around, fist lifted like he wanted nothing more than to slam it into Jensen’s face. Jensen raised his chin, waited for the blow that never came. Instead, Jared just backed away and rubbed both hands through his hair, grabbing a jacket and his shoes as he stormed out of the room.  
  
Jensen blew out a breath, fell back against the bed and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Fuck, shit, god _damn_.”  
  
“You can say that again,” came a sarcastic voice that sent chills down Jensen’s spine. He looked up to find Jeff in the doorway, his teeth clenched together and something like hurt written across his features. “Gotta minute?”  
  
 

xxx

  
  
  
Jensen left for Austin before New Year’s, declining Jeff’s offer of an extended stay in San Antonio. His best friend was making a valiant attempt to understand and get past Jensen’s betrayal, and Jensen didn’t see the need to rub it in his face any more than necessary. Not to mention Jared had apparently decided he wasn’t setting foot back in the Padalecki household again until Jensen was long gone, and this was just better all the way around.  
  
He dropped his bag on the floor, taking in the silent apartment with a sigh. It was freezing, the heat having been off for a week and a half, and Jensen took that as the first order of business. Blowing warm on his hands and trying not to rethink his and Jeff’s conversation for the millionth time. Failing miserably.  
  
_“Why didn’t you just tell me? How long?”_  
  
He ground his jaw, remembering the quiet shock in his friend’s gaze. He hadn’t gone into much detail, both of them feeling awkward enough as it was. He’d sworn up and down to Jeff that nothing had really happened, but he wasn’t all that sure his friend believed him. After all, Jensen’s record spoke against him. Then again, Jeff hadn’t decked him, or disowned him, and had seemed more pissed off about Jared being upset than any crazy hanky panky possibly going on behind his back. And, well, Jensen having lied his ass off for years.  
  
His cell phone rang, vibrating against his leg and Jensen glanced down. Saw the familiar name and felt twin bursts of relief and terror.  
  
The text simply read: _Hell, I always said the Chaddinator wasn’t good enough for him anyway._ Followed by a smiley face, and Jensen laughed and rubbed a hand down his features. Swallowed back the lump that’d been choking him for days, and just rested his head against the windowsill.  
  
The next few days passed by relatively slow, and Jensen went out New Year’s Eve to see the fireworks down at the stadium. He’d heard through the grapevine, also known as Megan, that Chad had gone back to New York. _Without_ his lanky, oversized boyfriend. Jensen hadn’t been able to get rid of the little thrill that shot up his spine at this piece of news, but neither did he expect much from it. After their last encounter, hell, he’d be surprised if he wasn’t on the Jared Padalecki Most Wanted list.  
  
It was closing in on midnight by the time he trudged back to the apartment, smiling a little after hanging up on a phone call with a drunken, rowdy Jeff. They were gonna be fine, and Jensen wondered why he hadn’t known better in the first place. Jeff Padalecki was one of a damn kind for sure, they all were, and that should’ve been Jensen’s first clue when he unlocked his door and walked inside only to have a foot slide in before he could shut it again.  
  
“What the--” he trailed off, irritation melting into some other emotion when he jerked the door open to see Jared’s sheepish expression. “Oh hell,” he said, taking in the press of Jared’s fists at his side. “Jeff sent you to finish me off after all, didn’t he?”  
  
Jared didn’t even blink. “I’m a complete and total dick and I dumped my boyfriend on Christmas because I’m in love with you and I have been for four fucking _years_.” He sucked in a breath while Jensen stared. “God, okay. Hi.”  
  
Jensen tilted his head, opened and shut his mouth several times before just flattening his lips and jerking Jared inside. He slammed the door shut, shoved Jared up against it and dragged that nervous frown down to his mouth. Jared grinned into the kiss, a grateful, relieved sound spilling from his throat as he brought his hands up to Jensen’s face.  
  
Jensen wanted to bite right through him, couldn’t get enough, and finally spun Jared around. Teeth still dragging across the nape of Jared’s neck as he slid his hands down lean hips. “I’m gonna fuck you right against this goddamn door, I swear to Christ.” He paused, thumbs hooked in Jared’s waistband. “Does your brother know you’re here?”  
  
A bright burst of fire and light outside the window announced the new year, and Jared laughed a little. Pressed back and shot a look over his shoulder that had Jensen’s dick ready to weep. “Why, that weird you out?”   
  
Jensen huffed out a chuckle, shaking his head and dragging denim and cotton down Jared’s legs. “Let’s just think about something else,” he murmured against Jared’s ear, reaching around and closing his fist around Jared’s cock.  
  
“Good idea,” Jared got out, gritting his teeth and bracing his hands against the door. “Um. Check my pocket.”  
  
Jensen blinked, glanced at the bulge in Jared’s pants. He bent down, pulled out several foil wrappers and a packet of lube.   
  
“Surprise.” Jared’s voice was soft, hopeful, and Jensen wanted to cuddle and kiss and fuck and love him forever. He dragged Jared toward his room, his bed, spread his legs and sucked his cock until Jared’s hips were working. Fingers tight in Jensen’s hair, voice rough and ragged.  
  
“Turn over,” Jensen said, wiping his mouth against his shoulder and watching with dark eyes when Jared immediately complied. “God, you’re so…” He swallowed, reaching blindly for a condom and tearing the wrapper with his teeth. “S’gonna hurt.”  
  
“I can handle it,” came Jared’s lazy reply, and he pressed his face into the pillows and thrust back at Jensen. “C’mon, Jen…want you.”  
  
“Want _you_.” Jensen pumped his cock, staring down between Jared’s legs and getting harder. “For so fucking long.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jared groaned, letting Jensen stretch him open, fingers tightening in the sheets. “I was, um, thinkin’.”  
  
“Sounds dangerous,” Jensen murmured, scissoring his fingers apart and licking his lips when Jared fucked down on him. “Tell me.”  
  
“UT’s got… _Jesus fuck_ …a good engineering program. Better than NYC, or so’ve heard.” Jared grunted when Jensen pulled his hand away, lined up and pressed a kiss against his neck.  
  
“I’ve heard that, too. Somewhere.” Jensen drew in a shaky breath, clenched his jaw before pushing in, going a little dizzy when Jared opened up and took him in. “That’s…oh, Jay. Look at you.”  
  
They were quiet for a few minutes, Jensen fucking his way inside and Jared adjusting and squirming on his dick. Jensen reached around, pulled him up and against his chest. Felt Jared tighten around him, heard the ragged gasp. “Yeah?”  
  
“I like Texas,” Jared said dreamily, grinding down and tightening his grip on Jensen’s thighs. “You’re all right, too.”  
  
“Glad to hear it.” Jensen nuzzled his neck, licked his way underneath Jared’s ear. “Since you’re not leaving this fucking building until I say so.”  
  
Jared laughed, happy and gorgeous and _everything._. “Works for me.”   
  
  
**The End.**


End file.
